Looking For The Silver Lining Since 1979

I've Moved!

2010-08-05T19:17:00.001-05:00

I'm now blogging over at www.wonderelephant.com. Stop by...say hello!

My Secret

2009-08-08T16:41:00.002-05:00

I just watched the movie "The Secret." My sister has been trying to convince me to read the book and explore the concept and I was opposed to it for quite a while. I decided to give it a shot....and I actually loved it. The basic concept is that if you think it, feel it and believe it, it will be yours. Your thoughts and feelings create your destiny. If you always think negatively, negative things will happy to you. If you embrace joy and good fortune, you will live your life with abundance.

It's a very interesting concept and I encourage you to check it out, even if you're skeptical. They give you basic tips on how to start living your life this way as well. You should keep a list of your gratitudes. You should make a list of your wants, but make the list in the present tense. One of the speakers in the movie made vision boards. He would put pictures of all the things he wanted: a specific car, house, job, etc. He would look at the board and visualize that he already had these things. He had packed up the vision board in a box and moved a few times without unpacking it. When his son asked what was in the box, he took out the vision board and realized that the house pictured on his vision board was the house they just moved into.

It teaches you to focus on what you want. For example, if you focus on the fact that you want to get out of debt, you won't get out of debt. The energy of the universe just feels that you're focusing on debt, not that fact that you want it or you don't want it. Instead, it teaches you to focus on wealth and abundance, and these are things that will come to your life.

It sounds kind of hokey...but I believe that the power of positive thinking has a bigger impact on our lives than we choose to believe. I'm sure all of us knows a person that always thinks bad things are going to happen to them and in fact...they usually do.

Asking the universe for what I want is something that I'm going to make a conscious effort to do. I will no longer focus on what I don't want. For example: I want love. I've decided that writing blogs about how I've failed in love or about people that I've dated that have failed to live up to my expectations are not helping my situation. My plan...write my love story in the present tense. I'll keep you posted on the outcomes of my change in attitude. I'm sure it won't be easy, but I think it's important to try and I think I can do it.

"Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right." Henry Ford

I'm Not A Player I Just Crush A Lot

2009-07-07T10:23:00.002-05:00

I got the following very interesting email around 1:30 a.m. on the 4th of July:

Hi,

I am contacting you because I am currently engaged with M. who once lived in jersey (piscataway) and I would please like to know, if you would please tell me, how did you two meet each other and what was the nature of your relationship with him?

I intend nothing other than to know this person with whom I am making plans on spending the rest of my life with. I ask and beg that you please tell me. It is all I ask ...

Sincerely,
A.

When I first read it I thought, “This chick is obviously crazy and I’m not going to answer this email.” But the curiosity of the situation ruled out over my logical brain and I emailed her back, first asking how she got my email (she went snooping through M’s AIM buddy list) and then telling her that I didn’t feel comfortable giving her information about a friend of mine when she was the one that was engaged to him. She should talk to him about it. Clearly there are some trust issues in this relationship.

She wrote me back, saying that the trust issues were exactly why she was emailing me. She apparently had caught him online dating in the past and again just recently but anytime she asked him about it he denied it, chastised her for snooping and said he was just trying to make friends, etc. Now I was really torn…

Here’s the back story on the sitch. I met this guy online last summer. We IM’d and talked for weeks. He seemed to be a really great guy and was actually so intelligent that it was intimidating. (There were many I time that I Googled something after our convos so I could be in the loop on what the hell he was talking about.) He told me that he had recently broken up with this girl who had turned out to be psycho. He was blocking her calls and IMs because she was becoming stalkerish. We talked a lot about our past relationships, religion, history, books, movies, etc. He was so easy to talk to, it was great!

One night we were talking about how long it had both been for us in the uh…sexual department. We were joking that we should just do each other a favor and sleep together. So we did…twice. It wasn’t my proudest moment (I’m not a one night stand kind of gal) but it had been a long time for me (and supposedly him) and it scratched an itch. We continued talking after ‘the incident’ and a week or so later he told me that he was back with the psycho girl. We kept in touch for a bit but he said we couldn’t hang out because she was super jealous of any female friends of his (rightfully so, apparently). We lost touch not long after that and I pretty much forgot about him.

Back to the other day. I didn’t know what to do. Do I tell this girl what happened between us? Is she just psycho like he said and I should stay out of it? Or was she really being set up to be hurt down the road?

After a few more emails back and forth, I gathered enough information (i.e. he cheated on his first wife, they were not broken up at the time I met him, etc) that I thought she deserved to know the truth. So I told her.

I know….I should have stayed out of it. But this girl seems so sweet and is SUPER naïve and I feel this strange duty to protect her. She kept emailing me back trying to justify his actions. She asked if a) he was really drunk, b) if it was an accident or c) if he was just really into me. (a. He wasn’t so drunk that he couldn’t get it up. b. How the hell do you have sex by accident? “Oh I fell over and it just slipped in…and out…and in…and out!” c. There’s no way he was really into me…not an option.)

The more we emailed the more disturbing things I found out. Apparently, she had lost her virginity to this guy like four days before we uh…you know. She had found the online dating ad he placed and they were fighting at the time we uh…you know. They never actually were broken up. He had hidden my identity from her by labeling my screen name ‘Ian’ and had told her that the air mattress I let him borrow (because he had just moved and didn’t have a bed) was from his friend Chris. He clearly is a manipulative genius/air mattress stealer.

I feel like such a super bitch. I never would have done anything with this guy if I thought he was with someone else. He lied to me and basically used me for sex (not that I’m complaining about the sex part). I feel so bad for A. She’s heartbroken and is planning on calling off the wedding and leaving him. She followed him to Texas, where they’re living now, and she doesn’t have anyone there to help her through this. She can’t eat, she can’t sleep and it’s all because of this drama.

Although she plans on saying, “Peace out” to the bastard, I have a very strong feeling that he’ll tell her I’m lying, none of this actually happened, and he’ll once again weasel his way out of his douchbaggary. I warned her of this and she has agreed that he’ll probably try and I’ve been trying to build her self esteem and tell her that she doesn’t deserve him, etc. We’ll see how the drama unfolds on the next episode of Allie Shouldn’t Get Involved.

The Dirty Old Man That Trumps All Other Dirty Old Men

2009-05-09T12:59:00.002-05:00

Last weekend I had the pleasure of meeting the dirtiest of all dirty old men. My friend Sara came up to visit me from Texas and we went to the city to enjoy a couple evenings of debauchery. On Friday night we went into Little Italy to enjoy some pasta and red wine. We went to a place called Puglia's. The food was great, the wine was flowing, but the entertainment is what would make me go back.

Puglia's is a family style restaurant with long tables and large portions. They have a keyboard player that entertains and people often stand on their chairs and waive their napkins in the air along with the music. Shortly after we sat down, our waiter Vinny introduced himself and sat down with us. We ordered a bottle of their house wine. When he brought it over, he also brought a glass of sangria for himself. He would sit with us off and on throughout the night sharing laughs and drinks. It seemed like each time he came over, he came with a new bottle of red. The best part...when we got the bill (after four bottles of wine and a shot of Lemoncello each) we were only charged $16 for the first bottle. Thank you Vinny!

We enjoyed a long dinner. I think we were at Puglia's for about three and a half hours. We were actually there as they were shutting the place down! There was an older man that was at least 75 years old that was there...I believe he was part owner or related to the owner or something...we'll call him Gigolo. We were told that he lived upstairs and hadn't left the block he lived on in something like 20 years.

As the evening wore on and Sara and I got more and more loopy from the wine, Gigolo came to our table to try to woo us. He first said that Vinny liked to...let's say...enjoy the "flavor" of a woman. He didn't actually use the words. He used the classic "tongue between two fingers" gesture that got his point across clearly. He went on to say that Vinny was too fast at it. "Too fast! Too fast!" he kept yelling. He told us that he thought a ladies "parts" smelled like fried calamari. Later when he walked by our table he would just shout, "FRIED CALAMARI!" There were a few times that a little red wine may have come out my nose.

As we were getting ready to leave, he decided to tell us what he looked for in women. He liked large breasts which meant that he was enamoured with mine. He asked me to tell him what size I was and because I aim to please (and had about eight glasses of wine in me) I decided to tell him. He grinned. Apparently he also like hairy armpits and was disappointed when I told him that I kept mine clean. He suggested that Vinny take the little one (meaning Sara) and he would take the big one (meaning me). As flattered as we were, we ran out of there before he could put his slimy hands on us.

Sara and I enjoyed more adventures that evening and the rest of the weekend, but I have to say, that was definitely the most unforgettable. I don't know if I'll ever be able to eat fried calamari again.

Mind Reader

2009-04-21T13:21:00.001-05:00

We have a cafeteria in my office building at work. If I don’t bring my lunch and am too lazy to go out to get something, I’ll go upstairs and have the guy at the grill make me a tuna melt. I don’t know his name, but he is a very strange character. He’s very nice and friendly but he talks all the time and he talks very loud. I’m starting to think that he talks so loud to drown out the sound of other people’s thoughts that he had running through his head.

Here’s my logic for this crazy thought. Last week, I ordered my usual and was waiting for him to finish it up when I thought to myself, “I wonder if I asked him for two pickles if I would get them.” After my melt was done, he asked if I wanted a pickle, I said yes and he put two pickles next to my sandwich. No big deal, right? Except I quite literally have ordered this sandwich about 20 times from this same guy and he’s only ever given me one pickle. Seemed like a strange coincidence.

Today I went up to the cafeteria and decide to test him. I asked for the usual then thought to myself, “If you can hear me…give me two pickles.” I know, I know…I’m completely nuts and I should have my head examined. BUT IT WORKED!!! He gave me two pickles instead of one, AGAIN! It kind of freaked me out so I gave him a funny look.

I need to have more tests so I can see if this is more than just a coincidence. I don't feel like I can just ask (either verbally or mentally, HA) because maybe he doesn't want anyone to know. Any thoughts?

(Wow…I just read over the above and I really have issues. Who besides me would think that this stranger that’s a grill cook at my company could possibly be a mind reader?? I don’t even know if I believe in that stuff yet it’s the first thing that popped into my head. Maybe he put the thought there!!! ACK!!!!)

The Giggles

2009-04-08T13:15:00.001-05:00

This made me laugh so hard at work today that I cried. I don't know why.... (You can skip through the beginning and watch from 3:45 on.)

Bump In The Night

2009-04-04T19:56:00.004-05:00

Eerie...

Tonight is so eerie...

The wind is howling. Clouds cover the sky in a blanket that is lit up by the lights of the city, casting an orange glow on everything. The streetlights don't seem to be as bright as they normally are. Each gust of wind brings with it the scent of the macabre.

Tonight is the type of night that you think you hear a screen door slam when there's no screen door on your house. Tonight is the type of night that you and your dog both look to a dark shadow and stare for a while, for no apparent reason. Tonight is the type of night that your cat stares into the dark kitchen and arches her back. Tonight is the type of night where lights flicker and you see faces in the leaves of the trees. Tonight is the type of night that little children go missing from their beds and screams would be silent as if blown away before they reach someone who could help.

It's very eerie....

And I've been reading too much Stephen King....

Let’s Make Fun of My Sister, Shall We?

2009-03-12T15:10:00.001-05:00

The joy of having a blog is that you can write things about your family members and they can’t stop you. It’s an amazing power. But as they say, with great power comes great responsibility. I have interpreted this to mean that I have the responsibility to share with you, dear readers, the hilarity that ensues when my sister consumes too many beverages.

My sister came down to visit me in Jersey last summer. It was just the two of us for the whole weekend…enjoying each other’s company. One of the nights, we decided to take the train into the city. We took the train specifically so that we could both drink to our hearts content and not have to worry about driving home.

We hopped on the train and began our journey. She’s actually really cute in the city because she is a total tourist. She’s really smiley and talks to everyone. She kept asking the train conductors questions, when all they want to do is punch the chads on our damn tickets. It was cracking me up.

We made it to Penn Station, hit up Sephora (which they don’t have in Maine…so sad), and then hopped on the subway and headed to the Village. My sister is terrible with directions and she’ll be the first one to admit it. If we come to an intersection and have to go either right or left, she will ALWAYS pick the wrong direction. You would think at least 50% of the time she’d guess right, but no.

We decided to have dinner outside at the little Italian restaurant that we found the last time we were in the city together. We had a “few” glasses of wine. After dinner, we decided to check out a bar. Jekyll and Hyde’s caught our fancy so we sat at the bar and begin to drink our body weight. When we both had to hit the ladies, we made our way out back. Let me tell you, it’s hard to find a women’s room when the door to said room looks like a library bookcase and you’ve had a “few” dirty martinis.

In between drinks we stepped outside for a cigarette and had the “I love you man” conversation. At this point we were both pretty toasted so I have to admit, I don’t remember much of it. I do remember us saying how much we loved each other and that we would do whatever it took to bail each other out of jail…no matter what we were accused of. I believe I even stated that I loved her husband so much that I would do the same for him. I have no idea why we thought that one of us was going to be arrested in the near future, but in our drunken state, it was a very touching conversation...we both cried.

As the time drew near for us to catch the last train back to NJ, we left the bar. Now remember, my sister is TERRIBLE with directions, and apparently when she’s drunk, she thinks everyone else is. I think she asked me, “Are you sure we’re going the right way?” about 87 times. In Penn Station, she decided that she’d better check with the cops at the desk about the time for boarding the train. I had to literally pull her away from them, try to act sober so they wouldn’t lock us up in a drunk tank for the night, and assure them (and her) that I knew what I was doing.

Ah….finally, we were on the train. Sissy decided she really had to pee (and she can never hold it). She went to the bathroom…. Hmm….she’d been gone for an awfully long time.

I leaned out into the aisle to look for her. Maybe she forgot where we were sitting….

Nothing….

Suddenly I heard something. Wait…was that someone yelling? I listened harder. Then I heard it.

“SOMEBODY HELP ME!! I’M STUCK IN THE BATHROOM!!!!!!”

Oh.My.God. My sister had locked herself in the dirtiest bathroom known to man and she couldn’t figure out how to get the door open. I could hear her pushing buttons and pulling levers, tugging on the door as hard as she could. I had to talk through the door to calm her down and then tell her what levers to push. Finally…she freed herself.

We made it back to my apartment. All I wanted to do is sleep and although Sissy was much more intoxicated than I was, she thought that she had to take care of me. I laid down in bed and she proceeded to pet my head for about fifteen minutes. Apparently she thought I was sick (which I wasn’t) and that she was making me feel better (which she wasn’t). Finally she wandered off. I heard a crash in the kitchen. I ran out to make sure she was alright. She assured me that everything was fine, that she just helped me out by feeding the cat (and crashing into my kitchen table making it slide into the fridge). I went back to bed and she wandered into the bathroom adjacent to my bedroom. I though she was getting ready for bed. The tub started….then I heard her singing/humming to herself. After about 5 minutes of this, I decided to go check on her to make she didn’t pass out and drown. When I opened the door I saw her sitting in the tub with the water running over her feet and the drain open.

Me: “Sissy, what are you doing?”

Sissy (in a loud whisper): “I’m rinsing.”

M: “What?”

S (again in loud whisper): “I’m rinsing. Don’t worry; I do it all the time.”

What the eff was she talking about??

Finally, she went to bed and passed out.

The next morning, we woke up facing each other in my bed. She peeled her eyes open, tried to shake the fuzzies out of her head, then looked at me and said, “How did we get home last night?” Classic.

The Gist

2009-03-04T14:09:00.008-05:00

I don't have the energy to create one cohesive blog post. So I'm bullet-ing one.

* Weight Watchers is going well. I'm losing weight and I don't want to kill myself yet. As you can see to the right, I've lost 6 pounds. Actually...6.6 pounds, but the Traineo widget doesn't measure tenths of a pound. I used to make fun of people that referred to their weight and/or weight loss in tenths of pounds. Now that I'm fighting for every tenth I can get...I sing a different tune.

* It's depressing that the contestants on The Biggest Loser consider a six pound loss a good weight loss for a week. It's taken me three!!

* I bet if I had Jillian screaming at me or Bob's cute little butt to run toward...the story might be different.

* I got my nose pierced last week. I know that it wasn't the most responsible thing to do considering I hold a professional office job and am going to be 30 in a few months, but I've wanted it done since I was 16 and always made excuses as to why I shouldn't do it. So, last Monday on my way back from getting cat food, I stop by the local tattoo/piercing parlor 'just to inquire' about the process. Five minutes later I had a needle through my left nostril.

* My friend 'Vera' was down in NYC a while back for work and I took the train in to visit her one night. I had the biggest sandwich of my life at the Carnegie Deli. I couldn't even eat half of it (that's half pictured below).

* I have some exciting trips and visits coming up in the next few months. Next weekend I'm going to hang out with the girls in MA. The second to last week in March I'm going to Florida with my sister to visit me Mum. In April my niece is coming to visit for a long weekend and my friend from Austin is coming for a long weekend. I'm excited to have a life that will consist of more than seeing how many Netflix movies I can get through in a week!

* My pup, Roxie, is now seven years old. She's the cutest thing ever.

That's the gist of my life at the moment. Very exciting stuff, a'yuh!

Pizza For The Heart

2009-02-15T10:21:00.002-05:00

I hope you all had a wonderful Valentine's Day.

Note: I did not eat this pizza, nor did I drink the beer that came with it. I ate a wrap and drank a diet Pepsi. WW is awesome.....looking forward to my weigh in on Tuesday.

Watching It

2009-02-10T13:09:00.002-05:00

Any of you readers out there who know me in the physical sense and not just in the blogosphere, know that I have....um...."issues" with my weight. When I graduated from high school I weighed 128 pounds. I thought I was fat. What the hell was I thinking?? Now you'd have to cut off both my arms and my legs and my left boob to get me down to that weight and I'm not down with the uniboob.

So...I've joined Weight Watchers here at my office. I've done it before and it worked for me...when I stuck with it. One of my biggest problems (among many others) is that as soon as I have a not-so-great-day of eating (like when I eat two pieces of birthday cake at the office), I figure all is lost, I'm a failure, I might as well have McDonald's for dinner. Instead, I should forgive myself for the slip and keep on trucking.

To help me, I've installed a widget on my blog to track my progress. I figure if I have to report not only to myself, but to anyone who might read this little corner of the internet, it will help with the motivation. I could have installed one that started with my actual weight and tracked from there...but please. Not going to happen. This one will just start with my ultimate loss goal and track accordingly. I'll update every week after my weigh in.

Day one....74 pounds to go. Blerg.

Are You There God? It's Me, Allie!

2009-02-04T13:45:00.005-05:00

I was raised Catholic. My family ALWAYS went to church. We went every weekend and every holy day. If we were away on vacation, the first order of business was to find a Catholic church that we could go to that weekend. We even went while we were camping! Not going to church was only an option if you were violently ill. And even then, you'd better pray for forgiveness and show proof of vomit!!

Even as a young child I questioned our faith. When my mother told me I couldn't wear jeans to church I said, "Why? Does God care how we dress? Jesus wore sandals!" During my Communion preparations I asked the priest, "Why do we call you Father? You're not my father!" I distinctly remember leaning over to my mother during a mass when I was about 8 and I asking, "How do we know our religion is the right religion." Her answer? "Because it is."

As I got older I ignored the nagging questions. I followed along like a good girl down the Catholic path. I went to retreats at the rectory, made my Confirmation and became a Eucharistic minister and everything! I was handing out the body of Christ! Holler!!

Then I went to college and stopped going to mass. Saturday night mass was no good...I had shit to do and Zima to drink. Sunday morning was no good because I was still recovering. Sunday night mass didn't work either because I had to do the homework that I'd put off all weekend.

Time passed...my connection to the church grew weaker and weaker. The only time I went to mass was when I was home with my mother or for a holiday like Easter or Christmas. I still considered myself a Catholic because I still believed in the basic principles (Jesus is our savior, killing is bad, etc.) However, I didn't believe that homosexuals are sinners and are going to hell, I didn't believe that once consecrated the bread and wine LITERALLY turn into the body and blood of Christ, I didn't think my friend that had an abortion in college was going to hell. The things in the Catholic church I didn't believe in I explained away with the reasoning that "man" made the church so there were bound to be mistakes. Although I had lost my "religion", I still had my "faith." Believing in Jesus was the cornerstone of my "faith."

Over the years since college I continued to have my "faith." I prayed, I believed, I questioned. I had discussions with friends that were Jewish, Born Again, and Mormon. I believed strongly in my convictions and wondered why other people could believe so differently when clearly my way made much more sense.

Then I saw a movie and it turned my world upside down. It sounds so crazy that one movie could open up such a big can of worms, but clearly my convictions in my "faith" had weakened to a point to allow it to.

I went to see "Religulous." It was good movie. I like Bill Maher...he's funny and he asked some interesting questions. I was taking it all in stride....until he mentioned Horus. Damn it, Horus! You always ruin everything!!! Horus was a god of Egyptian myth that has VERY similar tales to those of Jesus. Horus apparently was born of a virgin, under a star, walked on water, turned water into wine, etc.

HOLD UP!!

How could an Egyptian myth that was documented THOUSANDS of years before the story of Jesus was documented be virtually the same? If you conclude that one is a myth...don't you have to conclude that the other is a myth? Suddenly belief in Jesus and God became ridiculous to me. If I were hearing the story for the fist time I would have laughed it off as science fiction. Did I only believe now because I had grown up with it being drilled into my head?

Now I have NO IDEA what to believe. I feel totally lost. Even though I have always questioned religion I never ONCE questioned my belief in God or my belief in Jesus.

Now I want the truth. I've been reading books on the subjects of atheism and Christian Apologetics. For one argument I read for the belief in God I read another argument against the belief in God. Some argue that whether there is a God or not, you should believe "just in case." That brings me to a quote that helped start this whole thing for me:

"The truth is the truth, whether you believe it or not."

Any assistance, dear readers, that you could give me on my journey would be much appreciated. PLEASE, comment or email me any of your thoughts. I'm open to anything at this point!

Movies 2009

2009-01-31T21:25:00.003-05:00

I kept a list of the movies I watched in 2008...although it's not very complete. There were a lot of holiday TV movies that I watched toward the end of the year that didn't get added to the list. Along with some I saw right before the new year, including Slumdog Millionaire (great movie!) and Marley and Me. I'll try to keep a better, more complete list for 2009. So here goes:

1. Man on Wire - This is a documentary about the man that walked a high wire between the World Trade Center towers in the 70's. His passion is incredible.

2. Smart People - I'm a big fan of Dennis Quaid...not a great movie but it was entertaining.

3. Born Into Brothels - Another documentary about an American photographer that teaches children of mothers that work in brothels in India how to be photographers. Good movie...but sad that a lot of her hard work doesn't change things.

4. Flight of the Phoenix - I had this movie from Netflix forever in a day before I actually watched it. Again...not great, but entertaining.

5. Sleepers - Another movie I had from Netflix forever. Great movie.

6. 21 - I love Kevin Spacey...even when he's a bad guy.

7. Bride Wars - A pretty typical 'chick flick' but it was one of those movies where all the best parts were shown in the previews. Why do they do that?

8. Australia - Hugh Jackman is going to be my baby daddy...he just doesn't know it yet.

9. Wild Hogs - Meh...

10. Quantum of Solace - Not nearly as good as Casino Royale, but it was a pretty good Bond flick.

11. A Cinderella Story - Your typical teen love story. I think it's time for Hillary Duff to try a serious role. See if she can handle it. Otherwise I think she should go away.

12. Walmart: The High Cost of Low Prices - I hate Walmart and I refuse to shop there. This is an interesting documentary about the big box store.

13. The Darwin Awards - This is a pretty terrible movie, even though there are quite a few big names in it. There is a shower scene though that cracked me up. If you could just watched that scene...you'd be set.

14. Confessions of a Superhero - This is a documentary about four wannabe actors that work dressed up as superheroes in Hollywood as they try to make as actors. I've seen better documentaries...that's for sure.

15. Leatherheads - Who wouldn't like a movie with George Clooney and John Krasinski??

16. Lars and the Real Girl - This is a crazy movie. Ryan Gosling plays a socially screwed up guy who buys a sex doll on the internet and treats her like a live girlfriend. I LOVED this movie. I think Ryan Gosling is brilliant and one of the best actors of my generation.

17. Miss Conception - Heather Graham plays a British woman who has one egg left with which to get pregnant and is on the hunt to find the sperm to do it. I don't believe this was ever in the theaters although I did like the movie. It was cute.

18. Corpse Bride - This is the first Tim Burton movie that I've seen and I don't think I really liked it.

19. My Kid Could Paint That - This is a documentary about a four year old girl who paints modern abstract art that actually sells for thousands of dollars. Basically it challenges what 'art' is and whether or not the child actually did the art on her own. Very compelling.

20. Citizen Kane - This is a lot of critics number one movie of all time. I can see that when it was made it certainly forced a change in the film industry.

21. Pineapple Express - Frickin' hilarious movie. So quotable! It's a stoner movie that brings a little more to the table.

22. Billy Elliot - I saw this because my aunt, uncle and I plan on seeing the musical in Broadway in the spring. It was a great movie! A "follow your dreams" flick.

23. Burn After Reading - Although this movie was packed with stars (George Clooney looked delicious as usual)...I didn't really like it. It was okay...but not nearly as good as other Coen brothers movies.

24. Dogma - This is a movie that I've seen bits and pieces of a hundred times but never watched the whole way through. Growing up Catholic and having my current crisis of faith really helped me appreciate it.

25. In Her Shoes - Good, girly movie. And I can relate to the line, "Shoes always fit."

26. Run, Fat Boy, Run - I heart Simon Pegg. He just cracks me up. And I didn't realize until the credits that this was directed by David Schwimmer. Funny movie.

Gaydar Malfunction

2009-01-25T01:49:00.002-05:00

Hello all. I'm in no shape to be writing a blog post at this moment. I've had a few too many vodka gimlets to write coherent sentences. So please forgive me for any grammatical and/or spelling errors.

Tonight I went to a bar called Colorado Cafe. It was my first experience at a country bar. They had a room for line dancing, a bunch of bars and a bull riding section. I met up with a guy from work and a bunch of his friends. It was really a great time. I was even flirting with a super cutie. Oh...and then that super cutie....told me about his boyfriend.

Yeah....

I had no idea...

I actually accused him of lying. I thought he was making it up...just trying to be funny. Now I feel like a total asshat. I was flirting with this guy all night. He was even a little touchy feely. Yeah...because he's a flaming homosexual and wants to be one of the girls!!!! Oi.....

I really thought I had better gaydar then that. I had his boyfriend pegged...but had no idea that he was the one that was pegging him. Damn....of course only the gay guy would be flirting with me...

Rice

2009-01-19T21:06:00.002-05:00

My sister introduced me to a great (and addictive) website. It's www.freerice.com. There's a bunch of different trivia-type games on the site testing your vocubulary, grammer skills, geography knowledge, etc. For every question you get right, the site donates ten grains of rice through the UN World Food Program to help end hunger.

So next time you're bored at work and you want to surf the web, head to www.freerice.com and do some good while wasting time!

Survivor's Guilt

2009-01-15T22:12:00.002-05:00

Today was a rough day at work. There have been rumors floating around for months...and today it finally happened.

Today we had a RIF. A 'reduction in force'. In other words, big layoffs. Luckily, I still have a job. Unfortunately we lost two people in my department and rumor has it, over one hundred people in my office alone. Most businesses are struggling, especially in the retail world. My company is no different.

Even though most people weren't sure that today was the day, as soon as you walked in the building, you could tell something was going down. Everyone was somber, people gave each other commiserating smiles as they passed each other in the halls and you could cut the tension with a knife. Even the phones were quiet. After the news started to break and people began to meet with HR, I had to walk downstairs to get boxes and bags so those in my department that were leaving could pack up their things. As I walked back to my department I passed tons of conference rooms. They all had boxes of tissues on the tables.

I thought sure that I would be one to go. Granted, I am a supervisor, but the department lived without a supervisor before and I'm sure they could do it again. Instead, we lost two solid performing reps and they're going to be sorely missed. All day I had to hold back tears as I helped them clean out their things. I wanted to give them comforting words, let them know that it's not personal, it's just business...but there were no words. I felt guilty....and relieved. Why some people had to leave, even if they've been there over ten years, and I got to stay didn't seem fair. But man...am I glad to have a job to go to tomorrow.

2008 Recap

2009-01-13T12:46:00.002-05:00

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Online dating.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions?
Um...sure. I resolved to spend at least a year in New Jersey to give it a fair shot...which I did. I also resolved to drop four pant sizes...which I did too. (If I only wear my pants on one leg.)

3. What countries did you visit?
Didn't go out of the country...but I went a lot 'o places. Florida, D.C, Chicago, Philadelphia, Boston, Fall Rivah, etc.

4. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Regular access to a penis.

5. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I'm not good with dates, but I have some great memories from the year. Including getting my sister 'untrapped' from the bathroom on the 'drunk train' home from NYC, throwing up on the streets of Chicago, getting my sweet puppy dog, and riding the best roller coaster of my life.

6. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I made it through the year in NJ without giving up and going home.

7. What was your biggest failure?
I didn't get up the nerve to audition for anything.

8. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Just the normal colds and flus. Oh...and I was dizzy for the month of December.

9. What was the best thing you bought?
My iPhone. I'm still obsessed with it.

10. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My niece's and nephew's. They graduated, got jobs, started college, became captains of swim teams, were the best in their fire-fighting class, rescued animals, went on their first coaster rides, saw their aunt drunk...just to name a few.

11. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Meh...I don't want to get into it here.

12. Where did most of your money go?
Charities, worthy political campaigns, toward the college fund of a young man named Pablo. Definitely not rent, gas, food and shoes.

13. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Britney Spears - Radar

14. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) Happier or sadder? about the same
b) Thinner or fatter? about the same
c) Richer or poorer? richer

15. What do you wish you’d done more of?
I wish I would have watched more movies, read more books, met more new friends, taken more chances, had more sex, licked more frogs.

16. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Moping, complaining about NJ.

17. How did you spend Christmas?
Mom's for presents and dinner, then off to Aunt Mary's to meet up with the extended family.

18. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Yes...with a dog named Roxie.

19. How many one-night stands?
One. Judge me all you want...but it was awesome and totally worth it.

20. What was your favorite TV program?
Ghost Hunters, Grey's Anatomy, Heroes, How I Met Your Mother, 30 Rock

21. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I don't hate anyone.

22. What was the best book you read?
Mmmmm...tough one. Maybe "A Widow For One Year" by John Irving

23. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Shazam - best music application EVER! It's the one on my iPhone that 'listens' to a song and then tells you the title and artist. I've found a ton of great stuff using it.

24. What did you want and get?
Closure.

25. What did you want and not get?
A boyfriend - wow, that sound depressing and desperate. But it would be nice.

26. What was your favorite film of this year?
Slumdog Millionaire - Go see it. Immediately. Right now...you can read this shit later.
Vicki Cristina Barcelona

27. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I spent it in Chicago with my N.U.O.T.L.

28. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Having my friends and family move to Jersey.

29. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
"It looked better in my head."

30. What kept you sane?
Friends, family, travel...and most importantly drugs.

31. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
As always...Mr. Hugh Jackman.

32. What political issue stirred you the most?
The historic election of course.

33. Who did you miss?
My dad, friends and family, Maine.

34. Who is the best new person you met?
Wow...I'm trying to run through a mental list of new people I met. I can't think of anyone that's worthy of this distinction. Don't get me wrong...I met some nice people. But not someone, like, BFF worthy.

35. Tell us some valuable life lessons you learned in 2008.
It could always be worse...you could be in love with your cousin.

36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"We all know your soft, cuz we've all seen you dancin'.
We all know your hard, cuz we've all seen you drinking from noon until noon again."
- The Boy With the Arab Strap by Belle & Sebastian

Official

2008-12-19T21:58:00.002-05:00

It's official. I'm a New Jersian.

I decided to battle my homesickness and work to make Jersey feel a bit more like home. Today I got my New Jersey license and New Jersey license plates. You're supposed to do that within 60 days of moving and I've been here for over a year...so it was about time. I figured maybe I should stop fighting New Jersey so much and give in to the Garden State.

You may even see me in my newly plated car listening to Jersey Girl by Bruce Springsteen.

It's My Party...

2008-12-15T19:00:00.000-05:00

Tonight it feels like Maine. You would think that would include below freezing temperatures and slippery sidewalks, but it’s actually warmer outside than it is in my apartment tonight. When I left the office, it was 64 degrees. I decided that Roxie and I would go for a long walk this evening instead of our normal jaunt around the block since there was no risk of my fingers and nose getting frostbite. I turned one particular corner in my neighborhood and a warm breeze hit me and brought me back to Maine. It felt like a breeze coming off the ocean on a fall day. I almost started to cry.

Not only did the physical atmosphere bring me back, but my mental attitude of late has been like it was shortly before I left the great state. I’m feeling rejected, unwanted, and confused. It’s no one situation or person that has pushed me into this corner of myself…it’s just a place I stumble upon every once in awhile when I’m not paying attention to where I’m going.

This may sound silly and naïve, but I really thought that there was a purpose for me in moving to New Jersey. I didn’t know what it was, but I felt strongly that there was a reason that I was supposed to come here. Was it to meet the person I’m supposed to be with? Was it to jump start a fulfilling career? Was it to discover the real me?

With every guy that I start an ‘almost relationship’ with that turns around the next day and says he’s getting back together with his ex-girlfriend or says the problem is that we have too much fun together, I wonder. With every irate customer, stock drop or warehouse closing, I wonder. With every evening spent pondering over what it is I really want, never coming up with an answer, I wonder.

Tonight as I sit down with a glass of wine to enjoy my one person pity party, I miss Maine so much that I have a lump the size of a cobblestone from one of my favorite streets in the Old Port in my throat. Will New Jersey ever feel like home?

Best Thanksgiving Quote Ever

2008-12-11T21:37:00.003-05:00

Playing Apples to Apples with my family after Thanksgiving dinner:

Brother-in-law: You don't even know who Clark Gable is do you?

17 year old nephew: No...is she hot?

Classic.

At Least It Wasn't White Powder

2008-11-20T20:34:00.003-05:00

Although I've wanted to write about aspects of my job before, I've been hesitant because I know people who have been fired for writing about work in their blog. That being said, we received the most bizarre/disturbing piece of mail EVER this week in my department and it MUST be shared with the public. It's just too wacko to not share.

I work as a customer service supervisor for a large retail company. That's about all the specifics I dare to give. I'm the lady that gets yelled at when a customer calls and demands, "LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR SUPERVISOR BECAUSE ASSOCIATES AT YOUR STORE WERE TAKING SHOTS BEHIND THE COUNTER!" - yes...we actually got that call. (So on a side note: Please be nice to your neighborhood customer service person. They're probably not the one you're actually mad at...you're probably just mad about a situation. So be nice. Unless they're an asshole...then scream away!)

I've worked in customer service for going on ten years in some form or fashion. So I've heard my share of crazy customer stories. Some of them could go in the Crazy Customer Service Story Hall of Fame. (Dudes...I should totally open one of those! But I'm sure I'd be the only one interested enough to visit.)

Here's just some examples of the caliber of crazy I'm talking about:

One customer called and wanted us to custom make a pair of slippers for him. See, he had this cat that used to lay on his feet every night and he loved how the cat kept him so warm. Then tragedy struck and the cat had to be put to sleep. He had his friend the taxidermist skin the cat and he wanted to send the pelts to us so we could make him slippers so his cat could always keep his feet warm.

One customer sent us an 8 page hand written letter about how much he loved our sandals...our women's sandals. He wrote about when his love affair with these shoes began and how wonderful a feeling he got every time he slipped a pair on his ~~penis~~ feet.

Another customer called and said she was going to sue us. Apparently she had been wearing a pair of our company's shoes when they picked her up off the floor and made her fall. She wasn't going to tell us about it until one day she saw on Oprah that these shoes do this.

Although the above may be strange and comical...nothing compares to what we got last week.

Eggs.

Yes...EGGS!

A person from Brooklyn sent us five eggs with a crazy, cryptic note. The best part? The eggs weren't damaged a bit...and they weren't even hard boiled! Go US Postal Service!! See for yourself...

The outside of the envelope says, "Saw V = Peace, Can we achieve it?" with multiple notes of the contents being fragile. The writing on the note was very schizophrenic so it was hard to make out but one side says, "Unscramble the hidden message," and one line on the other side says, "Because the missing ballots of 2000 in a Styrofoam setting. Regrow vegetation."

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Last I knew, the Saw movies were about people getting chopped up and/or chopping themselves up. How does that equate to peace? And why would our retail company have anything to do with the 2000 election?

Clearly the person is totally deranged and probably in need of some Haldol and a straight jacket...but it sure makes for an entertaining work environment.

Proud

2008-11-05T13:15:00.002-05:00

Although I realize that I am blessed to have been born and raised in the United States, over the past few years there have been times when I was not proud to be an American. Foreign policy decisions, the ignorance shown by some of our world leaders, the greed and elitist attitudes of many of our residents were just some of the reasons for this waning pride.

Today, I am more proud to be an American than I think I ever have been. I believe the election of Barack Obama to be the next President of the United States is a huge step in the right direction for our country. Never before have I been so inspired by a political figure. I am excited to see what the future holds for us.

I Must Be Bored...

2008-11-02T21:10:00.003-05:00

I am a terribly messy person. Others that have lived with me in the past will say that is an understatement. One of my college roommates had to write me notes to tell me to wash my dishes or that it was my turn to clean the bathroom. Now that I live alone...I think it's even worse. I have no one to clean for and I could really care less if my clothes are all over the floor and I have to wash a plate in order to eat dinner. I really only clean if someone is coming over to my place. The fact that I just did ALL of my dishes with no dinner party planned is a miracle. Or more likely a sign that I am dreadfully bored. The picture below is one you won't see often.

I should maintain the momentum and hang the curtains that have been sitting behind my chair for the last 10 months...but let's not get carried away.

Big News!

2008-10-23T12:25:00.005-05:00

I have some big things going on in my life. So big in fact that I think I should share with all of you.

Here goes....

I have a baby on the way!!

I know it's sudden and unexpected, and I'm still not exactly sure that I'm ready for the responsibility (I mean...I can barely take care of myself), but I'm super excited about it. It will be a challenge but it will be totally worth it...I know it. They even gave me a shower at work today! Check out all the goods:

You may be wondering why there are paper towels and Beggin Strips. Well...it's because I'm getting a dog baby...not a human baby crazies!! Me?? Caring for a child?? Are you nuts?!

On Sunday evening I will officially be the mother of a six year old female Beagle named Roxie. A girl I know at work has a friend that is moving and can't take poor little Roxie with her...so I immediately said I would take her. I've always wanted a Beagle and it's just worked out perfectly. I can't wait!!

Here is the only picture I have of her (taken by the current owner on her cell):

Is her little face not the cutest thing you've ever seen?! (Oh God...I'm already one of those dog owners.) I'll post more pictures once I actually have her.

On a related note: Congratulations to Kev and Katie who are actually have a real baby!!!

My 29th Birthday

2008-09-30T21:08:00.002-05:00

Although my 29th birthday was almost a month ago, it will be hard to forget for years to come. I was out in Chicago visiting a friend of mine (Hola Lola!) on the big day. She had to work that day so I hung around until she was out and ready to par-tay. She took me out for sushi as she thought it was high time for me to eat raw Mackerel. We both enjoyed some sushi and some rolls along with a couple of martinis each. Then we headed to a great bar called Martini Park to watch an 80's cover band. There we proceeded to drink our combined weight in alcohol and dance the night away with boys in town on business. Not long after I gave a homeless woman twenty bucks because apparently I'm super generous when drunk, we hopped in a cab and stumbled up to her apartment. It was a great night which I would pay for dearly the next day.

On Friday we both woke up to lovely hangovers. I wasn't feeling too disgusting...I just felt like I had be drinking a lot the night before. We had a Food Tasting and Cultural Walking Tour planned for the afternoon which we had to meet up with at a Jewish deli at noon. We were both too useless to walk so we got in a cab. During the ride, I started to feel the night before catch up with me. A couple blocks away from the deli I had to ask the cab driver to pull over. I quickly stumbled out and proceeded to vomit on the streets of Chicago! Lola paid the cabbie as he clearly wasn't going to be wanting me to get back in and I stopped heaving. I was feeling a bit better and now that the worst of it was over (or so I thought), we decided to walk the last few blocks to start the tour.

The tasting at the Jewish deli was of latkes. I told the lovely tour guide that I would pass as I wasn't feeling all that well and that someone else could have mine. Lola, being the fabulous friend that she is, proceeded to tell everyone that I was just not feeling well but that I was terribly hungover from our shenanigans that night before. The tour laughed at me and said "Happy Birthday."

The next stop on the tour was a tea shop. We each got a large iced tea that I'm sure was delicious. I took the smallest sip of it that I could so that I didn't seem rude. Once the room started to close in on me and I started to sweat, I put my tea down on the counter and slowly backed my way out of the shop while trying not to draw too my attention to myself. I'm sure that the wretching on the curb that followed blew my plan.

Stop number three was a spice house. The curry...oh, the curry. It was enough to make me think I was going to die. Even though it was touted at the best spice shop in the U.S. and the place that the Food Network frequents, I couldn't even go in. I sat on the curb and wretched some more. I was so pitiful looking that if I had a cup in my hand I could have collected more money than I had given to the homeless lady the night before. Lola came out to check on me and I took her keys so that I could cut the tour short and head back to her place before I croaked. I insisted that she stay and finish the tour as I wasn't going to be any company anyway. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to stand the cab ride back and didn't want a repeat performance of the cab ride there that I walked as much of the trip as I could. When the streets finally stopped spinning around me, I hailed a cab and made it safely back to Wacker. I passed out on her couch for a couple of hours until I finally knew that I would live to see another day.

On Saturday, Lola was nice enough to give me her version of the tour and take me back to all the places I missed the day before. When discussing how it was that we drank the same yet I was the only one who got so sick, she reminded me that we didn't drink the same. When I brought the last two drinks back to the table she said she didn't want hers I said that it shouldn't go to waste and downed it.

It's good to know that even at 29, I'm full of good decisions.

Allie’s List of Things to Do In The Middle Of the Night

2008-09-18T10:25:00.002-05:00

3:20 – Wake up to beeping sound. Roll over assuming that it was just a dream.

3:22 – Hear beeping sound again and realize that it’s the smoke detector in the hall. Swear out loud.

3:23 – Put pillow over head to try to drown out the sound.

3:24 – Hear beeping again. Throw covers off in anger and get out of bed.

3:25 – Turn on light in hall. Temporarily go blind.

3:26 – Hear beeping again. Step on cat as she’s rubbing herself on your legs because she thinks it’s time to get up.

3:27 – Miraculously find 9V battery. You must have purchased an extra one when you had to change the battery in the bedroom detector. Congratulate yourself on being super smart and prepared. At least the ceiling in the hallway isn’t 80 feet tall so you should have to balance your step stool on boxes to reach it like last time. Replace battery and head back to bed.

3:28 – Hear beeping again. Swear again.

3:29 – Take out battery to inspect. Look at package and realize it doesn’t expire until 2012 so it should be fine. Look for reset button on detector. Wish that the detector wasn’t one that ran through the apartment’s electricity so that you could just leave the battery out and take your chances with a fiery death.

3:30 – Hear beeping again. Stomp in bedroom to put on jeans and t-shirt and your Red Sox hat. Grab keys and storm out of apartment.

3:37 – Reach Quickstop down the road. Scowl at the lady who says ‘good morning’ to you as you enter store. Buy two packs of 9V batteries.

3:47 – Get back home. Tear open new battery package giving yourself a paper cut in the process. Swear again…this time loud enough that your cat responds with a meow. Replace battery for second time.

3:48 – Hear beeping again. Realize that you’re going to go crazy.

3:49 – Think of a backup plan in the event that you can’t get the beeping to stop. Decide that you can go to work at 5:00 a.m. and get out really early, hit the road for Maine early and leave the beeping all weekend until you can figure it out when you get home on Sunday.

3:50 – Hear beeping again. Decide to give it one last look.

3:51 – Get step ladder from kitchen. Figure out how to remove detector from ceiling. Disconnect wires. Realize you’re a frickin’ genius.

3:52 – Bring step ladder back to kitchen while holding smoke detector. Hear beeping again. Consider crying.

3:53 – Think that maybe it wasn’t the hall detector that was beeping at all. Maybe it was the one in the living room. Stand in living room listening really intently to figure out where beeping is coming from.

3:54 – Hear beeping again. Realize that it’s coming from the disconnected smoke detector in your hand. Think that you’re going to have to pull a Phoebe and smash the thing with your shoe.

3:55 – Have another genius moment and realize that the battery is still in it. Take battery out and listen for beep.

3:56 – Do a little jig when the detector doesn’t beep again.

3:57 – Lay back down in bed wide awake. Grab cell phone to check email. Get ‘Word of the Day’ email from Dictionary.com that was sent at 3:00 a.m. Laugh out loud. Word of the Day: tintinnabulation Definition: A tinkling sound, as of a bell or bells.

Isn’t it ironic…don’t you think?

She Lives!!

2008-09-15T12:12:00.002-05:00

I swear I didn't die folks. I've just been neglecting my blog like the very bad mother that I am. I have a faithful reader that kicks me in the butt if I go too long with out a post so he reminded me the other day that it's time to get crackin'. Although...I don't really know why I'm listening to him since he was in NJ for two weeks and DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME!!! Bastard. (Love you Kev!)

I'm at work at present and don't have time to write all that I want to, so this is really just an advertisement for upcoming blogs. Coming soon to Eternal Optimist Allie:

* It's a terrible idea to go on a Food Tasting Tour of Chicago the day after your 29th birthday.

* I was three feet away from Michael Phelps and Kobe Bryant in the same day.

* He's a forty year old Russian nurse named Igor...and I love him.

Stay tuned!

Bad Bathroom Behavior

2008-08-20T11:56:00.001-05:00

I work in an office that employs only adults. When I use the word “adult” I am referring to the employee’s age in a legal sense of the word and not referring to their maturity level or their ability to follow the generally accepted rules of society when it comes to the basic human function of elimination. In laymen’s terms, they can’t poo and pee in an acceptable manner.

Since I have worked in this office building of approximately 700 employees for almost a year, I have witnessed far too many questionable and/or disgusting acts in the ladies room. I have highlighted some of the more interesting encounters for your enjoyment:

Ms. Cell Phone Pee’er
A woman walked into the ladies room as she was talking on her cell phone. I thought that was bad enough…the person on the other line might be able to hear the other women from the office peeing. But it get’s worse…she proceeds to enter the stall next to me and continues to talk on her cell phone while she does her business. There are like three people in the world that I would let hear me pee while I was on the phone with them and that’s only because I know they’ll love me anyway. This is only acceptable in very few situations and in the privacy of your own home. Why would you ever do this at the office? I pray to God that she wasn’t on a conference call with the CEO.

Ms. OCD Poo’er
This woman is overly terrified that someone is going to see her doing her business. So much so that before she rests her fanny on the seat she tears off six or seven feet of toilet paper and drapes it over the side of the stall to cover up the quarter inch gap between the door and the wall. Someday I would love to tear her paper protection down and put my eye up to the gap to see if she screams.

Ms. Can’t Make It In The Hole
The other day I went into the potty room to rid my body of the three cups of coffee I had had that morning. As I closed the door to the stall I noticed that there was a brown piece of fuzz on the floor. I nudged it with my shoe and it smeared. WHAT. THE. FUCK. I almost threw up as I realized that I had just tried to move a small piece of shit with my shoe. I immediately started rubbing my shoe on the tile to try to rid it of the human feces that was stuck there. It was one of the most disgusting things EVER. How does a grown woman get poop on the floor??? I’m glad I wasn’t in there at the time it actually happened because she probably would have asked me to help her wipe.

I believe that I have more examples, but I realize that I’ve exposed you to enough potty humor for one day. Plus…I’m getting a little flushed thinking of all these and I don’t want you all to think my blog has gone down the crapper.

Oh man…toilet puns are fun!!

Things I Don't Understand

2008-08-18T11:41:00.002-05:00

1. How is Michael Phelps not part robot?

2. How did I manage to watch 27 episodes of Heroes this past weekend? That's approximately 1,161 minutes of joy streaming through Netflix.

3. Why has it taken me so long to discover this show? I've had friends who have told me that I would love it since it started, yet I didn't listen until now. It ROCKS. And 75% of the male cast is hot...

4. How can a gymnast land on her knees from a vault and still score higher than Alicia Sacramone?

5. Why would my boss think that I would want to be set up with a 43 year old Russian nurse named Igor? Really? Igor?? I want photographic evidence that he doesn't have a hump.

All Dogs Go To Heaven...

2008-08-13T14:30:00.004-05:00

My mom had to put her dog down the other day. It makes me so sad! I loved that dog. His name was Smokey (aka The One Eyed Bandit) and he was probably the funniest dog you ever could meet. Before he came to live with my mother he lived with another Pekingese. One day they got in a fight and poor Smokey lost one of his eyes. After that I conned my mother into babysitting him for a weekend...he never went to his old home again. He and my mother were so close that she could tell his barks apart. He would boss her around. For example, if it was late and he was tired he would bark until she went to bed. He was only eight, but he was having some major health problems and was in a lot of pain and she couldn't let him suffer anymore. Poor little guy...may he meet her at the Rainbow Bridge...

If Only I Had The Strength To Be A Vegetarian

2008-08-03T15:15:00.003-05:00

I recently made a trip out to Chicago to visit my dear friend Lola. Lola and I have been friends since Junior High and share a bizarre sense of humor. Although not much has changed about Lola over the years, there is one thing that shocked me a bit. She has become a total health nut. Her fridge is now filled with fruit smoothie drinks and fresh veggies. Her freezer contains homemade soy 'ice cream'. She doesn't eat meat and would be a vegan if it weren't so hard. I had to question her on this and the reasons for her turn to the "meatless side" turned my stomach and made me wish I had the strength to follow in her footsteps. She proceeded to tell me about the inhumane treatment of animals during the slaughtering process. I hadn't really thought about it before...mostly because my favorite food is cheeseburgers and I didn't want to think about the cute little mooing creature that said burger came from. Below are some of the facts she pointed out to me:

* Many cattle are not properly killed before they are slaughtered. Therefore, many are skinned and/or have their limbs removed before they actually die.

* Pigs have been shown to have the cognitive ability equivalent to that of a three year old child. I don't know about you...but I'm not a fan of eating three year olds.

* Drinking milk directly supports the veal industry. You see...in order for cows to give milk they need to be constantly impregnated. Once they give birth, their babies are taken away and slaughtered for veal. Mommy cows have such a strong maternal instinct and bond that they have been known to wander their fields for weeks after their babies are taken away, crying and looking for their young.

Um...okay. Needless to say I was a little disturbed. Apparently this red meat and bacon eating girl was living a sheltered and naive life. She recommended a book to me (that she couldn't even read because it was too nasty) called 'Slaughterhouse: The Shocking Story of Greed, Neglect, and Inhumane Treatment Inside the U.S. Meat Industry' by Gail A. Eisnitz. Upon my return to Jersey I bought the book and learned even more disturbing facts.

1. Congress passed the Humane Slaughter Act in 1958 and broadened it in 1978. One of the provisions of the act is to ensure that that "all animals be rendered unconscious with just one application of an effective stunning device by a trained person before being shackled and hoisted up on the line" where they are then skinned, de-limbed, etc. The problem is...this doesn't happen. Meat processing plants are so concerned with the speed of their lines and the bottom line that many animals aren't stunned properly and/or are hit up to 8-10 times before they're knocked out. Sometimes they aren't stunned at all and end up beginning the slaughter process while they're still alive. Hogs were found to be dunked in vats of boiling water (to help with the removal of their skin) while they were still alive.

2. The USDA is responsible for enforcing the Humane Slaughter Act...but they were opposed to the act. You see...if you have to stop the line because a cow or pig isn't properly killed, they lose money. Therefore it's rarely enforced.

3. Abuse of live animals is also very common. Often animals are transported in the dead of winter from as far away as Canada. They are brought to plants in huge trucks that don't have any heat. Therefore, some animals are literally frozen to the sides of the truck by the time they arrive. The remedy for this problem? Workers just chop off the portion of the animal that is frozen to the truck (while the animal is still alive).

4. Thanks to growth hormones, chickens now reach the three pound mark in only six weeks instead of the normal four months. Yum...I love my nuggets with a side of growth hormone.

5. Egg laying chickens are kept in wire cages with wire floors. This injures them so badly that often if they are removed from the cages, they can't even stand.

6. As of the publication of the book (originally in 1997) the poultry industry was slaughtering more birds in one day than in did during the entire year of 1930.

7. Back in the day, if a chicken carcass was contaminated with feces or some other yuckiness it was required that the bird either be condemned or that piece of the meat be removed. Now they just 'wash it off' and the bird heads on down the line. Then the birds are dunked in huge tanks of water with thousands of other birds to 'refrigerate' them. This caused cross contamination basically ensuring that 100% of the country's poultry supply is contaminated with salmonella.

8. Hogs that are pregnant are often housed in crates that are so small that they can't even turn around.

9. Disabled cattle and hogs are often dragged to the slaughterhouse by their legs or necks because they can't walk. They are alive when this is happening.

The book is totally disgusting and eye-opening. I knew that many animals were treated inhumanely at farms and such. I had seen some of the stories on 20/20 or Dateline...but I had no idea the scope of it. I thought it was just a plant or two...but EVERY plant that she investigated had the same or similar issues. EVERY ONE!!! And she investigated for years.

So if you're like me and don't have the strength to totally drop the consumption of meat...at least be aware of the impact that your meat eating is having on the animal population. Maybe buy your meat from local farm that has more humane means of slaughtering? I don't know...but this is awful and something needs to change.

First Date Follies

2008-07-17T15:21:00.002-05:00

I think that me and eHarmony are going to break up. Their 29 point personality matching system clearly isn't working out for me. The guys that are actually decent tell me that they like me and then don't talk to me again. Like the guy that I talked on the phone with for like 7 hours after which he sent me a message saying how wonderful I was and how lucky he was to have met me. So sweet! Then...nada. Then there's the loads of totally awkward first dates. Here's the latest from last week:

We met at a restaurant in a nearby town. We were supposed to meet at seven...I got there at 7:03 because I had a hard time finding a place to park and ended up in a garage a couple blocks away. One of the first things he said to me was, "I was giving you 15 minutes and then I was outta here." Um...okay. Nice to meet you too!

We ordered dinner and I ordered a glass of wine. He told me that he didn't drink but he didn't have a problem with people that did. But then he went on to lecture me about how he didn't like it when people felt they needed a drink to relax or open up socially. I felt I either should have cancelled my drink request or asked the waiter to bring the whole damn bottle. If you really don't have a problem with other people drinking, then don't make me feel bad for ordering one freakin' glass of wine!

Up till this point I kept an open mind. He just started the whole online dating thing so maybe he hadn't done this a lot and he was nervous. Except for a few awkward comments...he seemed nice enough. But then the inappropriate first date questions came. He asked me about my past relationships. I'm all about sharing my past, it doesn't bother me in the least. But I don't think that it's something you talk about on a first date. I made a joke and said that I had fourteen kids at home. He said, "Yeah and you were married and your husband left you! HAHAHA!" My response, "Um....actually. Yes." Why would you say that when you don't know someone's past?? There was a very large cloud of awkwardness that hung over the table for the rest of the evening.

The check came and he was a gentleman and offered to pay. I thanked him politely. As he was walking me to my car I told him that I needed to stop at an ATM to get cash for the parking garage. He said, "Oh...so you were just pretending to reach for your purse when the check came?" What. The. Fuck. "Um, no. I have my debit card and a credit card that I was going to pay with." That was the last straw. I was done. He walked me to the ATM, back to my car and as I was leaving he said, "I don't have your number so you'll have to call me." Don't hold your breath pal.

I haven't sent any communication to him, but I did get this email from him today:

I've been so busy, but I meant to get back to you about our date. I think you're attractive, and while I'm sure I would enjoy the physical part of what a relationship offers, I don't know that we clicked as well as anything long term would require. I don't know how you feel about it, or if a 2nd date would change things. Usually I can sense something by the end of a first encounter with someone. The chemistry wasn't strong enough I think. I'm sure I'm a terrible first date too, asking stupid questions that should maybe come later one. It was interesting to learn you were already married and divorced though.

Anyway, I guess I'm just saying it doesn't seem that it would work out. Dating isn't easy I guess. Anyway, feel free to respond, but I'm guessing we'll be closing this match. I wish you lots of luck though. Take care of yourself.

Sincerely,
Mr. Inappropriate

My response:

I'm glad that you found my divorce interesting....I certainly didn't. Just some advice for your future dating endeavors...maybe save that type of question for a least date number two.

I definitely agree...there wasn't any chemistry there. Good luck on your search!

Too harsh? Oh well! What the hell is wrong with this guy?? "I'm sure I would enjoy the physical part of what a relationship offers" Who says that?? I'm cancelling eHarmony tonight. It's so not worth it!!

Whoever Said Money Can't Buy Happiness Has Obviously Never Been To Build-A-Bear

2008-07-06T23:33:00.002-05:00

He Don't Look Like The Boss

2008-06-22T19:43:00.003-05:00

Phoebe: I think the most romantic song is the one that Elton John wrote for that guy from "Who's The Boss"

Monica: Which one is that?

Phoebe: You know, uh, "Hold me closer, Tony Danza..."

I went into the city on Thursday night for a work thing. Before the work thing a couple of us went to a bar to have some filthy martinis. Who shows up at the bar? Mr. Tony Danza himself. He's a little bitty thing. He must have like a 26 inch waist. Ain't no way he's anyone's boss...

What The....

2008-06-17T12:18:00.003-05:00

Tila 'How The Hell Could I Possibly Be Famous' Tequila said that her show, 'A Shot At Love' was responsible for the legalization of gay marriage in California. I had no idea she had so much political clout. Who the hell does she think she is????

I'll admit that I'm a reality TV junkie. I enjoy the mindless entertainment. But I would pour tequila in my eyes before I would ever watch her show.

In The Game That Is Divorce, I Could Marry A Goat And Still Totally Win

2008-06-10T14:49:00.002-05:00

It's been a while since I've written. I've been waiting for a topic to inspire me. The problem is, I have a topic that has inspired many an imaginary blog, but I hadn't decided if I was going to share these with the actual blogiverse. The reason for my hesitation? I believe that the person I'm about to blog about reads this. And although I probably shouldn't, I do care about his feelings and I don't want to upset him or piss him off. But damn it...this is just too good a topic to pass up. And I'm sick of doing/not doing things because I'm afraid of what other people make think or feel about it. And it's my blog, so here goes....

My ex-husband is marrying his cousin. His first cousin. As in, their fathers are brothers. As in, they have the same last name. As in, they share DNA. Yes, that's right folks, in just a short time they will become Mr. and Mrs. Yucky VonDisgustington.

Here's a short list of things that make this even better:

* This cousin that he's marrying lived with us when we were newlyweds. We were kind enough to take her in so she could live with us for free while going to college. She continued to live there after we separated and I moved out.

* They used to flirt all the time while we were married. We were out to dinner with his parents once and they actually said "Stop flirting with your cousin and pay attention to your fiance."

* They plan to have children. Apparently their risk of have a child with a congenital defect is only two or three percent higher than an average couple...but still. What do you tell your little child when they ask, "Daddy, why do you call Grandpa Uncle?"

* Mr. VonDisgustington told me that most people they've told have been okay with it. THAT'S BECAUSE THEY ARE LYING TO YOU!!! They don't want to hurt your feelings. Because everyone I have told has been absolutely horrified and grossed out.

* They're having a small wedding...only about 50 guests. That's what happens when you only have to invite one family! Hmmm...I wonder what side of the aisle you're supposed to sit on when you're related to both the bride and groom?

* When you have to research your relationship online to see if it's legal (which it isn't in more than half of the states) then it's probably not a good idea. Mr. V compared it to gay marriage and said that since gay marriage is illegal does that make it wrong too? If the gay people wanting to marry are related...then yes!

* Dudes...you're giving Maine a bad rap!! People already think we're hicks without adding inbreeding to the mix!

It's kind of unfortunate that they are kin, because in reality, they are absolutely perfect for each other. She has long been his ideal (which he made perfectly clear when we were together). They have a lot in common (besides double helixes). They are both competitive and driven and will probably live happily ever after. All kidding aside, if he's happy, I'm happy for him. I wish them the best of luck.

But seriously...yuck.

Tune In To My ESP'n

2008-05-21T15:00:00.001-05:00

I think that everyone has a sixth sense to a certain degree. I also believe that most people don’t pay attention to it. If something strange happens they attribute the experience to coincidence or irony. I have had some interesting experiences lately that are just too strange to be called coincidence.

A couple weeks ago I had a dream about my Uncle David. He lives in Germany and I only see him every couple of years. I usually remember my dreams and I can’t remember ever having him make an appearance in any of them before. In this particular dream he was there although I don’t know what we were doing or where we were. In the dream, I lost my four bottom front teeth. I said to him, “Well, it’s okay that they fell out because I’m going to get a root canal so they can fix them then.” That was the extent of the dream.

Now, back to reality. A few days after the dream I was at my Aunt’s house (David’s sister) and she was telling me that she spoke to her brother a few days before. He was doing okay, except for the fact that he had to have root canals on his bottom front teeth. I got chills all over!! To me it’s a little more than coincidence that I would dream about someone that I never dream about, let alone the fact that I barely see him, and that I would dream about root canals and on the very same teeth that he actually had root canals on. So strange!

Last Friday when I was at work, I was filing some paperwork at my desk. All of the sudden this wave of emotion or adrenaline (I don’t know how to explain it) came over me. I looked up from my filing and said to myself, “My ex-husband is getting remarried.” I snapped out of it and dismissed it from my mind. As far as I was aware, he wasn’t even dating anyone. Well, low and behold, I found out the next day that he is indeed getting married. My ESP didn’t relay the information that he’s actually getting married to his blood related cousin but that’s just in the details, right?

So with these two recent experiences, I think I need to pay more attention to my instincts, feelings, visions, whatever it is you want to call them. Because apparently, my mind knows things before I do.

miPhone

2008-05-16T21:04:00.001-05:00

I'm posting this from my new present from Bushie himself!!! I'm so excited that it makes me want to swear muthafuckas!!!!!!

Instead of Sanitary

2008-05-14T18:37:00.004-05:00

Last weekend, a friend of mine told me that I should write more frequently on my blog. I don't think this subject is quite what he had in mind. But here goes...

I went to Walgreen's tonight to by tampons. A thrilling adventure indeed! Normally I get my O.B. regular absorbency and I'm on my way. But what's this? Something has caught my eye. What is this strange product??

It's called Instead Softcup and wait for it....it's a cup that you insert into your vagina to collect menstrual fluid during your period. What.The.Fuck. I immediately came home and did a Google search on it. You can learn more here.

To tell you the truth I'm both fascinated and grossed out all at the same time. First, you can wear Instead for a full 12 hours. That's pretty cool. But then, they talk about spillage. "Reach behind your pubic bone, and there will be the rim of Instead. Try to keep the cup level so you don't have any spillage. If you can't reach it, try bearing down like you were trying to have a bowel movement." Um...yuck. Another good thing, you can have sex with it. No mess...okay cool. But then, YOU'RE TAKING A CUP OUT OF YOUR VAGINA THAT IS FILLED WITH YOUR PERIOD!!!! That's fucking disgusting!!! I'm sorry...but I don't think the world is ready for such a product. Call me crazy, but I don't think I'm going to hear the ladies in the restroom at my office saying, "Pardon me, I have to change my cup of menstrual fluid."

Yuck...I can't even type about it anymore. It's making me ill.

But I totally have to try it. Morbid curiosity.

Should iSpend?

2008-05-13T19:23:00.004-05:00

I got my stimulus check. Thank you Georgie...or whoever the hell put that into place. I pay so much attention. (Kev...you're smart. Please explain.)

Anywho...should I be a good American and spend my $600 or should I be a good bill payer and put it toward my credit card debt? Paying down my bill would be smart and responsible. But look how pretty!!

I never served my country so I should do my part right?! iPhone...does the economy good!

Lady Looks Like A Dude...The Lesser Known Aerosmith Hit

2008-05-10T21:27:00.003-05:00

Um...so I just got back from the grocery store.

I know, I know...you're totally jealous because you wish you could do the same thing on a Saturday night at ten o'clock. Well my friends...only if you're as cool as me.

After I paid for my garlic, string cheese, heavy cream and Fresca (the diet of champions) the clerk said, "Thank you, sir." WTF?!?

I know my hair is a bit short now, and I'm wearing a baseball cap, jeans that I can pull down without unbuttoning them and a ratty t-shirt (damn...why am I single). But puh-lease! If I had choosen to unhook my bra standing opposite the conveyer belt from 'Will-the-genius-checkout-boy', I probably could've given the kid a black eye with my left boob. I'm just saying...the ladies ain't small.

I guess it's time to stop dressing like a teenage boy in public. Dang it all!!

Ole!

2008-05-05T20:21:00.003-05:00

The Slump Is Over! Well...Not Really.

2008-04-24T12:41:00.003-05:00

I’ve mentioned my sexual drought here before. More times than I probably should have. But hey…a girl has needs. Well ladies and gents, those needs have been met!

Last weekend I trained it into the city to meet up with my friend J and his girlfriend S. They came down from Maine to spend some quality time in NYC while visiting J’s brother M. I met up with them at The Ginger Man on East 36th Street and had a drink. Any day trip that starts with a Hoegaarden is okay with me! We had a few and caught up, headed back to M’s place to see the fabulous view from his roof deck, and then hit the rails for a trip to Brooklyn. We visited the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens. It was beautiful! The cherry blossoms were just coming out, there were weddings being set up and romance was in the air. After the gardens, we made our way to Grand Army Plaza and Prospect Park. It’s a scene I’ve seen in many a Law and Order episode, but this was the first time I’d seen it in person.

We hopped the subway back to M’s neighborhood and went up to his fabulous apartment for drinks. M is quite the bartender…he even had a menu! After a drink we went to dinner and had very spicy Szechwan food along with a couple of bottles of wine. Then we hit another bar and had three more bottles of wine. I was drunk and happy and ready for action.

I was supposed to take the train back to Jersey, but in my condition that wasn’t a good idea. So we stumbled back to M’s apartment. I tried to steal a neighbor’s newspaper. J and S had the bedroom so I was offered a spot on the pull out sofa next to M. Oh my! This night just gets better and better! I coyly said to M that I expected no funny business. He laughed and said he would try to behave. He got me some shorts and a t-shirt from him room. He turned around while I changed. I proceeded to crawl into bed next to him. Saucy!!

The End.

What? You want details? There are no details. There rarely are when a woman sleeps next to a gay man.

Oh…did I forget to mention that M. is gay? Come on…of course he’s gay! He had a drink menu for crying out loud!!

The next day after the train ride of shame home, I sent an email to J asking him to thank his brother for the most action I’ve had in months. J responding by saying, ‘He probably doesn't remember the last time he slept with a woman, so congrats to both of you!’

One

2008-04-22T11:28:00.002-05:00

I may have done this meme before. I'm too lazy to go back and check. And I'm too lazy to come up with an original post right now. So deal...

You can only use one word answers:

1. Where is your mobile phone? desk
2. Your significant other? none
3. Your hair? headband
4. Your mother? brave
5. Your father? gone
6. Your favorite thing? friends
7. Your dream last night? work
8. Your favorite drink? Shiraz
9. Your dream/goal? comfortable
10. The room you’re in? cubical
11. Your ex? lost
12. Your fear? abandonment
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Manhattan
14. Where were you last night? couch
15. What you’re not? normal
16. Muffins? corn
17. One of your wish list items? Manolo's
18. Where you grew up? Maine
19. The last thing you did? ate
20. What are you wearing? attitude
21. Your TV? recording
22. Your pets? Marble
23. Your computer? laptop
24. Your life? new
25. Your mood? anxious
26. Missing someone? always
27. Your car? Corolla
28. Something you’re not wearing? undies
29. Favorite Store? shoe
30. Your summer? traveling
31. Like someone? meh
32. Your favorite color? red
33. When is the last time you laughed? earlier
34. Last time you cried? earlier

411

2008-04-14T12:42:00.002-05:00

Last Friday was the first April 11th in 16 years that I didn’t cry.

On April 11, 1992, my father died of a massive heart attack while chaperoning my junior high campout. I watched it happen. I was twelve. It was my mother’s birthday.

Some days I miss him so much that I can’t breathe…but those days are few and far between now. What makes me the most upset is that there’s so much that I don’t remember about him. Actually, it’s probably stuff that I never knew since I only knew him as my Dad and not as a man. I don’t know what his favorite song was, or what he liked on his pizza. I don’t know what is favorite football team was or if he had a favorite TV show. I don’t know if he dated anyone before my mom or what his favorite drink was. I don’t know if he ever went on a road trip with his friends or if he would ever dare to skydive. Worst of all, I can’t remember the last thing he said to me or the last gift he gave me.

What I do remember however always makes me smile. I know that he loved tuna melts and that he could make the best one in town. He couldn’t spell, but he was a science geek. He touched hundreds of student's lives. He loved gadgets. (One time he came home with this thing called The Rabbit (no…not the vibrator). It was this thing that you would attach to your VCR, and then you could run wires from that VCR to another TV in the house. He had the VCR in our living room hooked up to the TV in their bedroom. This way, you could watch a video upstairs, without having to move the VCR.) He was an Eagle Scout and could barricade our camper from the elements like nobody’s business. He would rig tarps and dig trenches around our campsite so that the rain wouldn’t get to us. He was fast to laugh and had a great sense of humor. He would always ask me if his socks matched before he left the house in the morning. He was a Trivial Pursuit master and could play a mean game of Hearts. He never said no when I asked him to read to me. He hated bananas. He was the best of men and loved his wife and two daughters more than I think he could ever express.

Although April 11th will always be the day I lost my father, it doesn’t sink me into a hole like it used to. It’s gone back to being my mother’s birthday first and the day my father died second.

Wishes

2008-03-24T16:42:00.002-05:00

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter!

Also, I'd like to wish a Happy Birthday to Mr. Blue Eyes - may your teeth fall out and your thingy turn green.

Ketchup

2008-03-11T11:44:00.003-05:00

I feel like there's a lot of little things that aren't really worth an entire blog entry...so here's my catch up list.

* The weekend before last I went to Boston to go to a Gavin DeGraw concert with some friends. It was at a small venue called The Paradise. My friend Mare was on crutches so we ended up sitting in the corner of a side balcony. It was only about six stairs up or so. So we're sitting there enjoying the show when Gavin started singing Relative. He comes off the stage, up the stairs and down to the corner of the balcony! He was literally standing right between Vera and I. We were shoulder to shoulder with him! As he turned to walk back, I just had to touch him...so I grabbed his ass (I wish). No...I actually just put my hand on his back. And although he was incredibly sweaty...it was totally worth it. HE WAS STANDING RIGHT BETWEEN US!!! I TOUCHED HIM!!!! Below are some pics from the show. They were taken on my phone so they aren't that great. The first is how far we were from the actual stage. The second one is blurry and dark, but that's how close his face was to me!

* I'm going to Florida in two and a half weeks! My company's National Sales Meeting is down in Orlando from March 31 - April 3. I'm going down a couple days early and staying a couple days late so I'll have a nice hefty vacation. I'll get to visit my Mumar...and my sister will be down there with my nephew for part of the time. YAY! The best part...since I have to go down anyway...my company is picking up the airfare. Hello, free vacation!

* I found out about a grocery store scam that folks do down here. Maybe it's everywhere, but my naive brain had never heard about it. They buy tons of stuff, and use a TON of coupons. The checkout person scans all the coupons and because there are so many, and so much stuff, they often don't notice that some of the coupons are for items that the person didn't even buy. The problem is that a lot of times, they grocery store computer takes the coupon anyway. So this lady in front of me had two carts full of stuff, and only paid like $100 for all of it. While had like 20 items and paid $50. Have I mentioned that I HATE scammers!

* We had a two customer's email us last week with product suggestions for my company. One was a new father who though it would be great if men's dress shirts could be made one-piece with snaps in the crotch (like a child's onesie). He thought this would be great because his shirt wouldn't come untucked anymore. Um...yeah...but what about your bits?? Another guy wanted underwear that had zipper pockets. He had been pick-pocketed in the past and thought it would be great to be able to carry your cash and id in your undies. "Just one second officer, let me get my id"...as guy reaches down the front of his pants..."sorry, it's a little sweaty." Gross!

* My blog has had MAJOR hits in the last couple of weeks. Like...averaging 300 a day when I normally average 11. I think it's the images I posted in my Oscars '08 post. Whatever it is...I'll take it!

And those are all my random thoughts as of late.

Movies 2008

2008-03-10T11:51:00.008-05:00

In case anyone didn't realize this...I'm a big dork. (If by dork you mean frickin' awesome!!) Since 2003, I've kept a list of all the books I have read. Why you ask? There isn't really a reason...other than it makes me feel special and wicked smaht when I add another book to the list. It's like I'm edumacating myself.

It's with that tradition that I'm going to start a movie list. Now not only will I seem wicked smaht, but I'll also seem quite cultured. I'll only add movies to the list that I'm watching for the first time. This way Napoleon Dynamite and You've Got Mail won't end up on the list 400 times. Without further ado, the movies I've seen so far this year:

1. Gangs of New York - I don't know why it took me so long to see this movie. I think I was against it because it got so much hype. It was just okay to me. I'm not sure it was as great as everyone made it out to be.

2. Gone Baby Gone - Ben Affleck directed his li'l bro Casey in this movie (based on the book by the same author that did Mystic River). I loved it. The Boston accents were believable, the plot twisting, and it made you question the ethics and morality of the decisions that the characters were making. I highly recommend it.

3. Becoming Jane - This movie is based on the life of Jane Austin. Anne Hathaway plays the lead and James McAvoy plays her love interest...two very attractive people that seemed to have a great chemistry together. It was a good movie...but a little sad that her life didn't end up with one of the happy endings that her books did.

4. Definitely, Maybe - I wanted to see this because Ryan Reynolds is hot. He was working the jeans, untucked button down shirt and sport coat ensemble for a majority of the movie...which makes me swoon. Besides basking in the glory of his prettiness, it's actually a good movie. He was very charming in it and the love triangles kept you guessing.

5. Fools Gold - I'm not a big fan of Matthew McConaughey (ever since he did the guest spot on Sex and the City I've thought he must be little too crazy in real life) but it was a good flick. Kate Hudson is always lovable, and it was less a romantic comedy and more of an adventure movie. And even though McConaughey wouldn't ever make it to my top ten list...he does have his shirt off for most of the movie and that's not totally a bad thing....

6. Steel Magnolias - Strange that this is the first time that I've seen this movie. I knew it was sad...so I didn't want to subject myself to it. When it saw it was on this weekend, I figured I should suck it up and grab the tissues.

7. Stuck on You - If you take this movie for what it is...a stupid movie...then it's actually quite funny. I'm a big Matt Damon fan. He's just so darn cute. "Y'ello"

8. Juno - This is another movie that got a lot of hype. It wasn't as good as I thought it was going to be...and I think that's why. And Jason Bateman was a little creepy it in. Did he have a thing for Juno??

9. Without a Paddle - Dumb movie.

10. Wedding Daze - I watched this online through Netflix. I don't believe it was ever released in theaters. It was with Isla Fisher and Jason Biggs. It was kind of funny. His girlfriend dies, and his friend is trying to get him to get over it, so Jason Biggs says he'll propose to the next girl he sees, which turns out to be Isla Fisher and she actually says yes.

11. Enchanted - I think I was the only female over the age of eight that wasn't a mother in the theater. It was a cute, kiddie movie.

12. Word Wars - Now these are some people that are obsessed with Scrabble. It was just...meh.

13. No Country For Old Men - When the Coen brothers decide to make a movie, I think they first determine how many gallons of fake blood they want to use and then they go from there. This was a great movie. Javier was super creepy. At first, I thought the ending sucked and I was a little mad. Then I came home and basically thought about the movie all night and realized that the ending was perfect. Great movie.

14. Working Girl - This is another movie that I should have seen years ago. Talk about some 80's hair and makeup! Besides the fact that Melanie Griffith drives me nuts (she always talks like shes on something) it was a good, classic 80's flick.

15. Buying The Cow - I had never heard of this movie...but it was full of great males. Ryan Reynolds, Jerry O'Connell, Ron Livingston. Basically Jerry O'Connell is given a marriage ultimatum and he has to decide if he's found 'the one'. It was entertaining...not earth shattering but any means...but entertaining. And you get to see Ryan's ass.

16. Baby Mama - I heart Tina Fey. I think she's a fricken genius. This wasn't her best work, but there were some definite funny parts. "Sorry I farted in your purse."

17. Forgetting Sara Marshall - Three words. Male.Full.Frontal. A bit too much of it really. But it was a hilarious movie. One I will have to see again to catch all the jokes I'm sure. Good stuff.

18. Stand By Me - I've had this movie from NetFlix for months and just finally watched it. Personally I think Stephen King is a genius...I'm willing to read any of his books and watch any movie based on any of his writing. This is definitely a classic.

19. Small Town Gay Bar - This is a documentary about exactly what the title describes. It highlights a couple bars in rural Mississippi. It discusses how one small gay bar, which is the only one for miles and miles, is a safe haven for gays and lesbians living in the heart of the bible belt.

20. Crazy Love - What a crazy love story it is. It's a documentary about a guy that is so obsessed witha girl he dated that when she broke up with him he sent some thugs to throw lye in her face, which ended up blinding her. He went to jail for 18 years I believe, only to get out, profess his love to the same girl, and marry her. She actually married the guy that blinded her. Talk about crazy.

21. The Business of Being Born - Another movie on my documentary kick. This was produced by Ricki Lake. It's compares the benifits of using midwives and having home births compared to having your child in a traditional hospital setting. It's very interesting that the US has higher infant mortality rate than most developed contries mostly due to the drugs used in the delivery process.

22. The Education of Shelby Knox - A good documentary movie about a young girl in a staunch Republican town working to get comprehensive sex education in her school.

23. Private Dicks, Men Exposed - A documantary about men and their penises.

24. Red Without Blue - Another documentary (man...apparently I like documentaries) about the lives of a set of male twins. One is gay, the other is going through gender reassignment sugery.

25. Love and Other Disasters - Traditional romantic comedy type movie. A good one though.

26. Super High Me - A take off from Super Size Me...a comedian documents the effects of smoking pot everyday for 30 straight days.

27. Maxed Out - A scary documentary about our credit crazy society.

28. The Comedians of Comedy: The Movie - Follows comedians around....that's pretty much it.

29. Jim Gaffigan: Beyond the Pale - I love this guy...his stand up cracks me up. Hot Pockets!

30. Margaret Cho: Assasian - She's out there....and pretty funny.

31. Gabriel Iglesias: Hot and Fluffy - He's a pretty funny comedian. Not the best....not the worst.

32. Vicki Christina Barcelona - Woody Allen at his best. Great movie! Javier Bardem makes any movie great as far as I'm concerned though.

33. Sweet Nothing in My Ear - A made for TV movie about the deaf culture. Pretty good though.

34. No Reservations - I watched this in Florida at my mother's retirement community with a bunch of 70 and 80 year olds. Entertaining...

35. The Game Plan - I lurve Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson. And I love sappy father daughter movies and heroic sports movies. Had a tear in my eye in parts.

My Future

2008-03-02T20:00:00.002-05:00

My boss has a friend that is a semi-famous psychic. She's written a book, had a brief stint on a TV show, and made a living of seeing the future and communicating with the dead. When I heard that my boss was going to be hosting a psychic party, I was excited to attend. I went on Friday and had my first reading ever. It was interesting. I wouldn't classify myself as a skeptic, but I'm generally a scientific minded person, so I have my doubts about psychics. Not to say that there aren't any out there...I just think there are lot more people that claim to be psychic than actually are. So...we'll put Jane Doherty to the test. Here are the main points from my reading:

* Someone from my past will re-enter my life...or will try to.

* I will meet an Ed or a Ted.

* I will have a change in my job responsibilities in 18 months to two years.

* She saw travel to the New England States.

* She heard 'Boston' and said I would go there specifically for something and to meet someone.

* I will meet a Joseph and a Maryanne.

* I will travel west, either to Las Vegas or California.

* I will travel into Pennsylvania.

* I will meet someone from another state and there will be a romance (in maybe six months she said). She wasn't sure but she thought he might be from PA.

* She feels that there will be marriage...maybe in three years.

* She said I will be taking courses...or having some kind of training in the fall.

Now two of those things have already come true. I went to Boston on Saturday to meet friends and go to a concert. And I always travel to the New England states on my trips back to Maine. I was trying to remember if she heard me tell others at the party that I was going to Boston the next day. Or if my boss told her that I was from Maine. So those two things alone don't convince me yet. I'll keep you updated if anything else comes true!

Oscars '08

2008-02-24T20:30:00.010-05:00

Since I'm watching the Oscars by myself this year instead of having a two person party with Vera, I figured I would share my thoughts with the blogging world. If I can't bug her with my incessant nonsense comments, I might as well bug you all!

* The last time Jon Stewart hosted, there was a much better opening. This one was a little boring. When he woke up with George Clooney in bed it was much funnier.

* George Clooney looks fabulous as always...man can he pull off a tux. I would like to pull off his tux.

* Amy Adams just sang that song from Enchanted. She and Isla Fisher look a LOT a like.

* YAY!!! Javier just won for best supporting actor!!! I haven't even seen the movie yet but I HEART him SOOO much!! Vera, Cupcake and I went through a phase where we watched every foreign film that we could find with him in it. He is an amazing actor....and creepy Coen brother's haircut aside, he is extremely hot! (On a side note...Regis called him Xavier in the preshow.)

* Dude...the girl singing Raise It Up from August Rush is only 11?? She just made me buy the song on iTunes.

* Owen Wilson is presenting...I think this is the first time I've seen him since his suicide attempt. He looks like he's made of plastic.

* Tilda Swinton just won best supporting actress for Michael Clayton. I went to see that movie with a bunch of friends and I think I'm the only that liked it. She looks like she's wearing a plastic garbage bag.

* Weird that Miley Cyrus is introducing a song at the Oscars...has she even been in a movie?

* Do they really need to have these awards for sound effects and sound mixing (what are the difference between those two anyway...they had all the same nominees) and all the other crap that no one cares about. Everyone complains about the length of the show...why don't they just do the big five: best actor, best acress, the two best supportings and best picture. Boom...half hour...show's done.

* Forest Whitaker's eye scares me.

* Marion Cotillard just won best actress...she's so cute! You've got to love it when people are truly surprised and honored to receive an Oscar.

* Oh yeah...I forgot about the movie Once. I wanted to see that. Have to add it to my Netflix queue. They were so cute when they won for that song!

* I always tear up when they do the in memoriam tribute even though I don't know half of the people.

* Okay...I'm getting tired. And they're only up to the award for composing. Must. Stay. Awake.

* Documentary feature I can get behind. I like me some Michael Moore flicks. But documentary short? Do I care? Zzzzzz....

* Seriously....it's 11:22 and there are eleventy thousand more awards to go.

* Harrison Ford is talking like he's had a stroke or something... His recorded stuff sounds normal. Maybe he's just drunk.

* Apparently the chick that wrote and won the Oscar for best screenplay for Juno used to be an exotic dancer and now she's made it big. That's pretty amazing. Although Jon Stewart joked that she took a pay cut when she became a screenwriter. Sad but probably true.

* Daniel Day Lewis just won for There Will Be Blood. I haven't seen it yet but with everything I've heard about his performance in it, they shouldn't have even nominated anyone else.

* The Coen brothers just can't lose. Good for them I say. And now I can go to bed. Good thing I stayed up until the end because my DVR stopped taping at 11:30. Only 17 minutes long...not too bad.

I'd like to thank the academy and you dear reader...for reading my blabber. Good night and drive safe!

Weekend Of Movies

2008-02-20T12:59:00.003-05:00

I was lucky enough to have an extra long weekend this past President's Day. My office was closed on Monday so I decided to take the Friday before off and head to Maine. Vera was generous enough to let me stay with her (she even let me bring my laundry...bless her). We basically spent the weekend eating, drinking and watching movies. It was heaven. Below is a recap of the weekend's entertainment:

Definitely Maybe - We both wanted to see this because Ryan Reynolds is hot. (Don't think so? Go here and I dare you to disagree.) He was working the jeans, untucked button down shirt and sport coat ensemble for a majority of the movie...which makes me swoon. Besides basking in the glory of his prettiness, it's actually a good movie. He was very charming in it and the love triangles kept you guessing.

Gone Baby Gone - Ben Affleck directed his li'l bro Casey in this movie (based on the book by the same author that did Mystic River). I loved it. The Boston accents were believable, the plot twisting, and it made you question the ethics and morality of the decisions that the characters were making. I highly recommend it.

Becoming Jane - This movie is based on the life of Jane Austin. Anne Hathaway plays the lead and James McAvoy plays her love interest...two very attractive people that seemed to have a great chemistry together. It was a good movie...but a little sad that her life didn't end up with one of the happy endings that her books did.

Fools Gold - I'm not a big fan of Matthew McConaughey (ever since he did the guest spot on Sex and the City I've thought he must be little too crazy in real life) but it was a good flick. Kate Hudson is always lovable, and it was less a romantic comedy and more of an adventure movie. And even though McConaughey wouldn't ever make it to my top ten list...he does have his shirt off for most of the movie and that's not totally a bad thing....

Breakfast Club - Always a classic!

Ahhh...it feels good to have gotten my fix of movies. For the short time until I start itching for another one...

Stupid Cupid

2008-02-14T16:47:00.002-05:00

I'm a little poopy today. All of the women getting flowers at work just reminded me of how lonely I am down here in Jersey. And apparently Valentine's Day makes me stupid because I sent a dumb, nostalgic text message to Mr. Baseball. I guess my phone should be taken away from me on Valentine's Day in addition to anytime I drink.

Below is my theme song for the day:

Through The Dark by KT Tunstall

As I walk away
I look over my shoulder
To see what I'm leaving behind
Pieces of puzzles
And wishes on eyelashes failed

Oh, how do I show all the love
Inside my heart?
For this is all new
And I'm feeling my way through the dark

I used to talk
With honest conviction
Of how I predicted my world
I'm gonna leave it to stargazers
Tell me what your telescope says

Oh, what is in store for me now?
It's coming apart
I know that its true
Cause I'm feeling my way through the dark

Trying to find a light on somewhere
Trying to find a light on somewhere
I'm finding I'm falling in love with the dark over here

Oh, what do I know, I don't care
Where I start
For my troubles are few
As I'm feeling my way through the dark
Through the dark
I'm feeling my way through the dark.

* this was not reprinted with permission...please don't come after me...

Harmony? I'll Settle For An Unimaginative Drumbeat At This Point...

2008-02-13T17:59:00.002-05:00

So as I mentioned, I joined eHarmony. I figured what's better than spending $60 to find out that no one wants to date you when you already knew it for free? I guess that's not really fair to say. I've met some guys that may actually be willing to date me...but I don't want to date them.

Dating sucks. I'm 28 and this is really the first time that I've ever 'dated'. In high school I had crushes on boys that I was afraid to talk to. In college I met guys through friends, we'd hang out a couple of times, get drunk, make out and then all of the sudden we were a couple. I went from long term relationship to long term relationship without skipping a beat.

Now I've been single for over a year. I should buy stock in 'C' sized batteries...

The way eHarmony works (for those of you that are interested):
- You fill out a long ass questionnaire.
- You get emails when people are 'compatible' with you.
- You decide if you want to start communicating with them.
- You send them questions from a list of multiple choice questions made available to you.
- Then send their answers and questions for you back.
- You send your 'Must Haves/Can't Stands' list.
- They send theirs back.
- You send essay questions (either write your own or pick from a list).
- They send you answers and their essay questions for you.

Only once you've gone through this arduous 'interview' and 'testing' process can you freely email someone. (At first I thought it was kind of nice. You have all these opportunities to screen someone before you actually have to 'talk' to them. But it's really a lot of effort to go through when I really just want to hurry up and know why I don't want to be with you so I can move on.) If you decide somewhere along the way that you want to 'close' a match and stop the communication, you just close them. You can pick from a bogus list of reasons (none of which say "You're five inches shorter than me" or "You can't spell"). Most everyone picks the 'Other' category.

I've had a few guys that have been perfect for me...on paper.

Guy #1: High school math teacher, balding (I go for bald guys...probably because my Dad was bald...creepy I know), really nice, funny...had ADD and gave me a headache.

Guy #2: Texan, adorable southern drawl, cute, successful....and racist.

Guy #3: World traveler, adventurous, easy to talk to...breathing sounded like he was snoring when he was awake.

These are nothing compared to the guys that I haven't bothered to start communicating with. Like the literary genius I mentioned in my previous post. Or the guy who was only 4'10" (4'10" people)!! I don't know if dating is worth it...

I'm really trying to stay optimistic through this. You gotta kiss a lot of frogs and all that bull. But man...they don't make it easy.

So I continue to find myself singing the melody all by myself...speaking of, I need to pick up batteries on the way home...

Support Hayes

2008-02-07T13:21:00.000-05:00

As I mentioned in a previous post, the husband of a dear friend of my broke his neck in a freak accident in late December. Erin and Ben are now in Atlanta facing a very long and expensive road to recovery. The power of prayer can be miraculous so if you're the praying type, please send one up to the big guy in Ben's name. To help support the family during these trying times, please visit www.supporthayes.com. Here you can read up on the family, get updates on Ben's recovery and donate to this well deserving family.

Banker Mother

2008-02-04T17:46:00.000-05:00

My bank called me today. I let the call go to voicemail because I was afraid that it was going to be about some fees I owe or my continual charges at Chipotle. When I picked up the message that was left, it was from my 'personal banker' at Chase. Basically, we had Chase and Bank of America come into our office a couple of months back with incentives to open accounts. The only account I had was a credit union back in Maine, so I needed one down here anyway...so I opened one with Chase. So she called me today and I call her back. She couldn't remember why she called me so she looked up my account. This was our conversation:

Her: Oh...I remember why I called you. You have quite a bit of money in your checking but not a lot in your savings. Do you use all the money in your checking?

Me: Yes...I use it to pay things like rent and bills.

Her: You need to save more money.

Me: Hahahhaha.

Her: I'm being your banker mother and you need to save more money.

Me (to myself): OMG...she's serious.
Me (out loud): Okay.

Her: I'll check back with you in a month and see how you're doing with that.

Me: Yes ma'am.

Disconnect.

I couldn't decide if I should be insulted (like it's none of your damn business lady) or grateful (because she's right). Either way, I went into my account online and set up an automatic transfer so that a portion of each paycheck goes into savings....like the good little girl that I should have been all along. You would to if you talked to her....she was scary.

Never Fails

2008-01-30T13:58:00.000-05:00

So I actually tried to look nice today for work. I have a meeting later today with some people from one the divisions (the division that is one of the most recognizable names in fashion), so I figured I should at least wear nylons and a non-wrinkled shirt. I even skirted up.

Needless to say, my efforts are for not. I have a hole in the skirt that I didn't notice when I put it on this morning. And if next season you see a new line of clothing with staples holding up the hems...you'll know who gave them the idea...

Back Off Ladies...He's Mine!!

2008-01-21T17:22:00.000-05:00

I joined eHarmony earlier this month. I plan to post about my experiences later, but I did want to share this gem of a profile with you. Keep in mind that with eHarmony they send you matches that they believe would work with your personality and your profile. This has not been doctored in any way...

The one thing marcin is most passionate about:
i am passionate aboute life

The three things which marcin is most thankful for:
famelly
job
bein in america

marcin typically spends his leisure time:
volenter at a fire department,waching moves and plaing vidio games

In this guys profile, there are a bunch of pictures of him in Army fatigues. Shouldn't you at least have to be literate to join the Army and shoot a gun??

Sleep Cracker

2008-01-18T13:29:00.000-05:00

I'm one of those people that can fall asleep pretty easily, but I also wake up pretty easily. Luckily I can usually just nod right back off to la la land, but every change in light or noise and one eye pops open to see what's up. My normal sleeping position is this: I sleep on the left side of the bed (even though I haven't slept next to someone in an uberlong time) and I lay on my right side, hugging a pillow. The pillow is my stand-in until such time that it is replaced by a man. I figure I'll be optimistic and not get used to sleeping in the middle of the bed, only to have to get used to sleeping on half of it again whilst kicking and sticking my arms in the face of a new guy.

So imagine my surprise when I awake in the middle of the night, lying on my back with my arms straight up in the air, hands interlaced, cracking my knuckles. I've know people to walk in the their sleep, talk in their sleep...but knuckle cracking in their sleep? With arms straight up in the air?? This has happened quite a few times over the last few months. And when I wake up...what's even more surprising the actually doing the arms-straight-in-the-air-knuckle-cracking...is that it's actually comfortable. I lay there for a while, arms in the air, and I have to consciously say to myself, "this is not normal, put your arms down." What am I going to do if I ever do get the pleasure of sleeping next to someone (fingers crossed) and they wake up to me with my arms straight out in front of me? Will they sneak out in the dead of night never to be heard from again?

Last night, when I woke up in this position I starting thinking about other strange nighttime behaviors that I have witnessed (or been a part of) through the years that I thought I should share with the blog reading world. Then I had to say to myself, "Allie, this is not normal. It's time to sleep. Put your arms down and stop writing a blog in your head."

* When I was very young, I wandered into my parent's room in the middle of the night, sidled up to the side of the bed, awoke my sleeping mother and father and said that I could get to sleep. They turned me around, sent me back to bed while they whispered, "you already are asleep, honey." Apparently...sleep walking was a common occurrence for me as a yougin'.

* Mr. Baseball had the best sleep walking/talking stories. When we were together (I still say 'together' in lieu of 'married'...if I say 'married' then I have to say that we're now 'divorced' and that's just such an ugly word. It's not that I mind that I'm 'divorced' but calling myself a divorcee makes me feel like I'm forty. I'd rather just say we're 'not together' anymore...much prettier, and younger sounding.) Anywho...when we were 'together', Mr. Baseball lived at my mother's house for a summer while he was working at a local paper mill. (Poor guy) He must have been stressed out while he was there, because he did some funky things in the night. One night, he shot straight up in bed and yelled (and I mean YELLED), "SHIIIIT!" Needless to say I was a bit shocked, especially since the guy never swore when awake. I asked him what the problem was and he said, "I lost the dice." Huh? He then proceeded to go over to the bedroom window, open it, look outside for said "dice", grumble when he couldn't find it, and wander back to bed.

* Another night, Mr. Baseball woke up at 4 a.m. put on his pants and said he had to go get the map. He grabbed his keys, went downstairs and walked out to his car. Luckily I followed him...I was afraid he was going to sleep drive. Turns out the cold air woke him up when he opened the door, but he sill walked to his car and then wondered why he was going out there.

* Yet another night, Mr. Baseball claimed that he saw a figure floating above our bed. Then he said, "Oh I get it, you're dead!" I know that he was asleep and probably dreaming...but I was always a little afraid that there was a ghost in the house after that.

* Once when I was in college I was spending the night on a friend's dorm room floor after a party. She got up, pushed the bed way from the radiator on the far wall, pulled down her pj pants and peed! I wouldn't have believed it except that there was someone sleeping on the floor with me who witnessed it too. The best part was when she crawled back into bed, took a tissue from the bedside table and wiped off her feet...

So those are my funny nocturnal happenings...care to share yours?

Centenarian

2008-01-17T13:23:00.000-05:00

My blog is now 100 posts old. In the world of blogs, especially the blogs that I frequent, that isn't very old. A lot of fellow bloggers have posted faithfully everyday for years. I guess I just don't have that many interesting things to say. And I certainly don't have the power to make uninteresting things interesting. There are some bloggers out there that can write about their cat cleaning its face or a random text message that they got from some guy and I laugh out loud when I read it. So either I'm really lame and just laugh at anything (which I would buy) or they have a power with words that just seems to elude me.

I wanted to write something significant for my 100th post. First I was going to recap what has been posted so far...but hardly any people read it the first time so who wants to read it again. Then I thought it would be nice to make some fancy celebratory graphic or video...but I ain't got no skillz. So here is my tribute...

HAPPY 100th POST!!!

That's all....

I'll Take My Wine With A Side Of Snark

2008-01-15T21:54:00.000-05:00

This post is long overdue. Embarrassingly long overdue...

I participated in Secret Blogger Santa this year. It was fun. It's always fun to get things in the mail that aren't bills and even funner to discover new blogs. So when I came home to bottle of wine at my door with a note from my Secret Santa, I was super psyched. Not only do I heart red wine (which I'm saving for a special occasion...like the next time the 15th of the month falls on a Tuesday...oh...look at that), but I now have yet another blog on my Google Reader.

So go check out Kristabella's blog. Her snark infested waters will make you laugh.

Panties

2008-01-10T21:09:00.001-05:00

If I wasn't single, I would think that I was being cheated on.

I was doing laundry when I came across a pair of black, Hanes, women's underwear. Hmm...I don't own any Hanes underwear. All of mine come from Vicki's. They can't be from some other public laundry shop user because I'm in my own place. Did my non-existent lover have them in his pocket when he came home from sleeping with his mistress? Did I sleep walk into my neighbors apartment and sweet talk her out of her undies without knowing it? How the hell did some other woman's panties end up in my laundry??

The only thing I can think of is that they are my sisters and she left them at my place when she stayed over...please let that be the reason....

Out Out Damn Spot

2008-01-09T19:30:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I decided that I would try to be a good person and donate blood at the blood drive at my office. Really I just thought that being minus a pint of blood would translate to more weight loss at my Weight Watchers meeting later that day. But anyway...motive doesn't matter, right? So I fill out all the paperwork, get my finger pricked to test my iron level, and make my way to the chair to donate. The lovely lady that was going to stab my arm was very nice. She said I would feel a little prick then, HOLY MOTHER OF JEFFERSON DAVIS!!! THAT HURTS!!!! She said, "Hmmm...it doesn't seem to be flowing." She proceeds to rummage around in my arm for my vein. She didn't find it. She took out the needle and said that she could have someone else try the other arm or we could scratch it for the day. Considering the burning in my left arm, I decided I was done for the day. She wrapped up my arm and gave me a latex glove filled with ice. Here's the damage:

Looks a little worse than it actually was...could they wrap my arm more? By the end of the day it looked like this...

Pretty, huh? In the second one you can see the bruise starting to spread. Sexy!! That's what I get for trying to fool the Weight Watchers scale, I mean for trying to save lives with my blood.

First Night of 2008

2008-01-02T18:36:00.000-05:00

10:30 p.m. - 1/1/08 -

I'm sitting on my mother's couch watching Law and Order: SVU and filling out my eHarmony profile (hadn't decided if I was actually going to join or not) when...CRASH, BANG, POW. Flash of light...then darkness. Damn...

10:45 p.m. - 1/1/08 -

I look out my mother's front window to see that a tree has come down, taking the power lines with it and is now blocking the street. Awesome. I call CMP to report the outage. I search for candles. Luckily I remember seeing some in a cupboard when I was taking dishes out for Christmas dinner. I consider calling my mother to share the news (she is now in Florida for three months) but decide to text some friends to share my joy instead.

11:30 p.m. - 1/1/08 -

A couple trucks go by to assess the damage. I open the living room window and can overhear what the powerline workers are saying. Apparently the tree pulled down the transformer and everything. Clearly...there will be no power tonight. I go digging for extra blankets.

11:45 p.m. - 1/1/08 -

CMP calls back and says that they had a record of receiving a call from my number and that there was a medical emergency involved. I let them know that the only medical emergency is that my toes may fall off.

1:00 a.m. - 1/2/08 -

I decided that I've had enough of reading by candlelight and head to bed.

5:26 a.m. - 1/2/08 -

I wake up with a very cold nose. I wish that I had a man or other large beast of burden to cuddle up to to keep warm. I pad out to the window and see that the tree is still laying across the street. I check the thermostat...it's 58 degrees inside. I grab another blanket for the bed.

8:43 a.m. - 1/2/08 -

I wake up again, snuggled deep under the covers. I hear workers outside...yay! It's now 54 degrees inside.

Sometime in the afternoon the power is back...but not before it hit 52 degrees inside. Brr... I basically stayed in bed under the covers to keep warm all day. I was supposed to drive back to Jersey today, but had to stay around (since my mother is not here) to make sure that her heat came back and her pipes didn't freeze. So...back to Jersey I go tomorrow. 2008 is off to a great start!

Year In Review

2007-12-31T14:05:00.000-05:00

1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?
I moved out of the state of Maine for the first time ever in my life.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions?
What's the point of making a resolution if you actually plan to keep it? That's just silly.

3. What countries did you visit?
Just the US...oh...and New Jersey.

4. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
More lovin'

5. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
March 17 - the day I found out that Mr. Blue Eyes had been cheating on me
September 10 - the day I started my new job in Jersey
November 1 - the day I got my new apartment

6. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I'll mention it again...my big move.

7. What was your biggest failure?
Let's not focus on the failures...

8. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I had the usual bouts of cold and flu. I had a scar on my eyeball...I have no idea how it got there, but it's all better now.

9. What was the best thing you bought?
My new bed...so cozy!

10. Whose behavior merited celebration?
OJ Simpson...maybe he'll finally go away.

11. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Mine...at my ten year reunion.

12. Where did most of your money go?
Security deposit, moving truck, movers.

13. What song will always remind you of 2007?
Rhianna's Umbrella, ella, ella, oh, oh, oh

14. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) Happier or sadder? Happier
b) Thinner or fatter? About the same.
c) Richer or poorer? A tad richer

15. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Taken more pictures, eaten more vegetables, gone to church more.

16. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Wallowed.

17. How did you spend Christmas?
With my mom, sister, brother-in-law and all the nieces and nephews.

18. Did you fall in love in 2007?
No.

19. How many one-night stands?
Um....one. My first and last.

20. What was your favorite TV program?
Grey's Anatomy and Ghost Hunters

21. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No...I really don't hate anyone.

22. What was the best book you read?
The Kite Runner

23. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Well I didn't discover them because I never discover my own music. But Vera introduced me to Orson and they rock. I command you to find their music and listen to it! NOW!

24. What did you want and get?
A new job.

25. What did you want and not get?
A boy.

26. What was your favorite film of this year?
Oh goodness...I don't know. Superbad was pretty brilliant.

27. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
My birthday fell on Labor Day this year...so I had the day off and hung out with friends. I turned 28.

28. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Winning the lottery would have been nice...otherwise I wouldn't change a thing.

29. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
Fashion concept? Ha!

30. What kept you sane?
My friends and family.

31. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Javier Bardem

32. What political issue stirred you the most?
I'm too brain dead to think politics today. So I don't know.

33. Who did you miss?
My friends from Maine, and as always, my dad.

34. Who is the best new person you met?
I've met some great new people at my job. And although I had met him before (years ago), Bri and I have become friends. And although he's a pain in my ass and makes fun of me incessantly...I'll have to go with him.

35. Tell us some valuable life lessons you learned in 2007.
Trust your relationship instincts. If he tells you he loves you, but you don't actually feel the love...he probably doesn't. Oh...and Chipotle rocks.

36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I don't know if this sums up my year, but it's my favorite song quote for the year...

"The tall blond lets out a cry of despair
said, 'Would have cut it myself if I knew men could climb hair.
I have to find another tower somewhere,
and keep away from the window.'"

Tragedy in Maine

2007-12-27T20:49:00.000-05:00

On Friday evening, Ben, the husband of a good friend of mine, was involved in a freak accident at a Christmas party and broke his neck. He was airlifted to a local hospital and underwent surgery early Saturday morning to fuse the bones of his C4 and C5 vertebrae together. When I visited him in the hospital on Monday, he was still heavily sedated and on a ventilator. Wednesday afternoon I visited again before I left for NJ and he was still on the ventilator but was breathing some on his own. He was semiconscious and was able to respond to some questions by nodding or shaking his head. At this point it's too early to tell what the long term prognosis will be. In the ambulance he was squeezing his wife's hand which is a good sign for upper body function. He also had a the hiccups on Monday which is a sign that his diaphragm is functioning and gives hope that he will be able to breath on his own soon.

Ben's wife Erin, who has been a good friend of mine since grade school, is being incredibly brave and strong for her husband, their 4 month old daughter, and the rest of their family. I admire her courage. I can't imagine the pain and anxiety of going through this experience. I'm reaching out to the internet community with this blog in hopes that extra prayers from around the world will help them in their struggle.

Please click here to visit the CarePage for Ben Hayes. Here you can view updates about his care and post messages of love and support.

Erin and Ben - I love you both and I know with all my heart that you'll make it through this!

Not The Brightest Tool In The Shed

2007-12-20T20:10:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I'm not smart and I don't make very good decisions. One of those recent decisions being the fact that I will be driving approximately 1500 miles in the next two weeks.

On Saturday morning I plan to drive back to Maine for the Christmas holiday. I was able to get the day after Christmas off work so I'll be driving back to New Jersey that day. Then I have to work Thursday and Friday. The next Saturday I will drive back to Maine for the New Year's holiday. Then I drive back on January 2. Wha?

Yup...that's right. I'm driving back to New Jersey for two days, just to turn around and head back to Maine. Everyone here in Jersey thinks I'm absolutely crazy. Hey...I very well might be. But you know what? I really want to do it. I want to spend Christmas with my family of course. I love to hang out with my family and give them gifts. I love to go to my Aunt's house on Christmas evening because the whole extended family gathers there after their individual Christmas days.

I'm super psyched for New Year's Eve too. Back in the day my friends and I would always have a NYE party. It usually ended up being at my friend's brother's house or another friend's parent's house. We would lock ourselves up in a house and drink beverages, dance around to music, play drinking games and welcome in the new year right. This year...we're getting back together to do it again...old school style. It will be at my mother's place cause she's going to be out of town (it's like I'm in high school all over again). It should be a blast.

So...although I'll be driving the same distance that it would be to drive the entire east coast and will be in my car for a total of approximately 24 hours...it should be worth it. Rock on tool shed...rock on.

Randomness

2007-12-17T19:22:00.000-05:00

Random Thought #1 - If a stranger saw you out and about and came up to you and told you they had a dream about you even though they had never seen you before...would you give them the benefit of the doubt and talk to them or would you run away? I think I would talk to them. What if they are serious? What if it's destiny that you meet them and their dream was a premonition? What if they were totally crazy...if you didn't talk to them you would miss out on an awesome blog topic!

RT #2 - 30 Rock is a frickin hi-larious show. I just started watching it (thanks to Vera for turning me on to it). Some great quotes from this past weeks episode:

"The holidays without drinking is rough! Turns out football is boring, my
wife's sister ain't as cute as I thought she was, and I can not play the guitar."

"Watch out for her Jack, she's a natural athlete! Played high school football."
"It was just one game, Dad. But I did kind of change everything forever."

RT #3 - I totally want to keep the gift that I got for my mother for Christmas. It's a GPS. I might...she'll never know the difference, right?

RT #4 - Yesterday I was driving through my town and had to pull over to let a firetruck go by. Turns out, they were hauling Santa through the town to wave at all the little kiddies. It kinda made me like NJ for a second. (NJ - plus one) Then I went to Target and this woman was putting her shopping cart back into the cart holder thingys in the parking lot and walked right by the cart that the wind had blown into the middle of the on coming traffic. Right by it...twice! There and back! A car was there trying to get by and you can't grab the cart on your way by and push it out of the way?? You're going to the cart holder thingy anyway with your own cart! (NJ - minus one)

RT #5 - I've been on a bit of an Oz kick lately. I just finished reading Wicked by Gregory Maguire. It was one of those books that I've had for a kagillion years on my bookshelf, have read the first 2 pages of a bagillion times, but never got into. Well I finally plowed through the first chapter and then I was hooked. (In case you don't know, it's about Oz before Dorothy got there. Basically it tells the story of how the Wicked Witch of the West became wicked...was she really wicked or just misunderstood?) Then I watched that miniseries called Tin Man that was on SciFi. I'm usually not a huge SciFi fan (except for Ghost Hunters, yay!) but this was actually pretty good. It was basically a modern take on The Wizard of Oz.

RT #6 - I have no more random thoughts. For now.

Dreamland

2007-12-07T15:37:00.000-05:00

I had another weird dream not too long ago. It was so vivid and strange in fact that I typed it up as soon as I got to a computer.

I dreamt that I was pregnant, about seven months along. I was shopping with my mother and the guy from N’Sync (whose name no one can ever remember) who was holding my hand even though he wasn’t the father. We were shopping for high chairs and cradles and things. After we left the store, I went to a house that was filled with many of my friends from high school. I apologized to them for touching my stomach so much and explained that my stomach had just popped and I was getting used to it being so big and the baby moving. They asked me if I had told the father yet that I was pregnant. I told them that I hadn’t and that I didn’t think I was going to. It turns out the father was one of my good friends from high school but he had just gotten married and was really happy and I didn’t want to ruin that. I told the gang that I had to leave and said I was going home to my new apartment. I pointed a couple streets over to a tall, skinny, dilapidated red building that was badly in need of a paint job. My apartment was on the third floor. On the way up I stopped to visit the girl that lived on the second floor. I knew her in the dream but have no idea who she was in real life. The top of the building would sway, so bad that at times it was at a 45 degree angle. I was afraid that it would fall down but she said that it did this all the time and that it was fine. I asked her how to get up to the rooftop deck and we were on our way up there (watching where we could step because a lot of the wood was rotten and boards were missing) when I woke up.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2007-11-22T21:06:00.000-05:00

Things I'm thankful for:

daily shower cleaner spray

hair elastics

Mom's apple pie

red wine

that it's illegal to pump your own gas in Jersey

good T.V.

my new comfy bed

my new job

my new apartment

good friends

loving family

travel

EZ pass

the internet

shoes

What are you thankful for?

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday Survey

2007-11-18T20:40:00.000-05:00

1. What bill do you hate paying the most? Rent. It's just throwing money away for a place to live. It wouldn't be nearly as bad if I was putting that much money toward a mortgage each month.

2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner? Wow....I can't even remember.

3. Do you regret losing your virginity to who you lost it to? Actually no. It was quite perfect. He was the first guy I seriously dated in college. I made him wait a whole year (I'm such a bitch). We ended up going away to an inn in New Hampshire on our one year anniversary and doing the deed to celebrate. It was sweet.

4. If you could go back and change one thing what would it be? I can't say that I would change anything. If something changed...I wouldn't be who I am today, right?

5. Name of your first grade teacher? Mrs. Welch. I had to call my mother to get her name. I could remember kindergarten, second grade and third grade but couldn't for the life of me think of first grade. Thanks Mom!

6. What do you really want to be doing right now? Sitting in Amanda's living room watching t.v. and/or movies.

7. What did you want to be when you were growing up? Either a physical therapist or an astronomer. But Customer Service Supervisor is close enough.

8. How many colleges did you attend? Two...but in the same system.

9. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now? I'm not wearing a shirt. Saucy!

10. Gas prices? Ugh...they're a pain in the ass. But they don't stop me from driving.

11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you, where would it be? I'm not sure. I've just moved and am just starting to get used to it. Do I really want to do it again? I would seriously consider moving to Austin, TX. Every time I've been there I've really liked it.

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning? I didn't have an alarm go off this morning because it's Sunday and I slept so late you would think I was 17 again.

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night? I have a date on Monday. Is it a date?

14. Favorite style of underwear? Cotton bikini briefs.

15. What errand/chore do you despise? Grocery shopping.

16. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer? Yes...I would spend my time saving puppies and raising money for third world nations. Oh who am I kidding...I would sit on my ass just like I do now.

17. Get up early or sleep in? Please...no question. Sleep in.

18. What is your favorite cartoon character(s)? Not a huge fan of cartoons so I really had to look back for this one. Probably Genie from Aladdin.

19. Favorite thing to do at night with a girl or guy? Talk about life.

20. Have you found real love yet? I thought I had. Then real love and I got divorced. So I guess not.

21. When did you first start feeling old? When I went out to a bar in my home town and saw a girl that I used to babysit order a whiskey.

22. Favorite 80s movie? Sixteen Candles.

23. Your favorite lunch meat? Turkey. I got through spurts where I eat turkey like everyday.

24. What do you get every time you go into Sam's Club? I think I've only been in a Sam's Club once. I probably won't ever go again since they are part of the evil empire.

25. Beach or lake? Beach. I used to live a mile from the beach and I miss it!

26. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual? No...I'm not bitter and jaded about it. I think it's a beautiful thing and would probably do it again.

27. Favorite guilty pleasure? Sitting around with friends smoking cigarettes.

28. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about? You've Got Mail

29. What's your drink? Diet Pepsi, red wine, margaritas

30. Cowboys or Indians? Cowboys

31. Cops or Robbers? Cops

32. Who from high school would you like to run into? Eh... If I don't see them regularly now, then I'm all set.

33. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now? WPLJ

34. The Cosby Show or The Simpsons? The Simpsons

35. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back? Only one? Okay...it's one that I continue to make. Not sticking up for myself and my needs.

36. Do you like the person who sits directly across from you at work? Yes...Maggie is a sweetheart.

37. What famous person would you like to have dinner with? Hugh Jackman and/or George Clooney

38. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose? No

39. Last book you read for real? Two For The Dough by Janet Evanovich

40. Do you have a teddy bear? My childhood teddy bear was actually a stuffed dog that I called Cheerio (formally known as Bandit when he belonged to my sister). He's a hound and had little mouth flaps that I would hide Cheerios in.

41. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth? I can't really think of a strange place. I guess it would probably be somewhere like the woods when I was camping or something.

42. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go? L.A.

43. Do you go to church? Not nearly enough to make my mother happy. I've probably mentioned this before, but she calls me her little pagan baby.

44. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship? I just started a new job (though it's not a career change) and I really like it....so new relationship. I'm ready.

New Job v. Old Job: Part II

2007-11-16T20:33:00.000-05:00

Okay...so I thought of a couple of other differences between old job and new job.

People at old job didn't know who I was or what I did. And we're not talking strangers either. People that I talked to a fairly regular basis didn't know my name or what my title was. I was frequently not asked to meetings that I clearly should have been involved in.

At new job I get invited to meetings and people actually ask for my opinion! Imagine that!

At old job the only tickets we got were once a year to the local baseball game. Go Seadogs!

New job? We have the chance to win tickets to events at the IZOD center in E. Rutherford, NJ. So far they have included Nets tickets, Van Halen tickets, etc.

I'm sure I'll think of more things....

Quote of the Day

2007-11-16T16:39:00.000-05:00

Monica - "You know what I'm thinking?"

Phoebe - "How it's been so long since you've had sex that you're wondering if they've changed it?"

Monica - "No, but now that's what I'm thinking."

~Friends

Secret Santas

2007-11-16T15:50:00.001-05:00

I heart Christmas. I heart giving people presents. So I was super psyched when I came across this today. Check it out and join in the fun!!

Why My New Job Would Kick My Old Job’s Ass In A Fight…

2007-11-14T17:20:00.000-05:00

If my new job and my old job were to get in a fight…my old job would die a long and painful death. The fight wouldn’t last very long, as old job doesn’t have the strength to hold on against new job. Old job would get in a few punches (for having good friends and a better 401k match) but new job would ultimately conquer and rule over old job for ever.

This is why:

Old job did not pay me what I was worth.

New job pays me much more money ($15, 000 more to be exact)…probably more than I’m worth. I know work shouldn’t be all about the money, but when you’re a single 28 year old woman who likes to have a closet stocked with cute, shiny, purple, peep toe pumps that she can only wear with one outfit...I mean who is saving for a house…you need a little extra cash.

Old job’s parking lot was dirt and was filled with potholes and I had to pay $60 a month to park there.

New job has lovely, paved lots. And, once a month, they have what is called the Oil Butler. You can park you car in a certain section, give your keys to the front desk, and they’ll have someone come to the office and change your oil while you’re at work. How freakin’ cool is that?! I’m doing it tomorrow!

Old job sold questionable products via infomercials.

New job sells products through hundreds of Outlet Stores, countless department/specialty stores, and online. They sell respected brands that have been around for over a hundred years.

If you didn’t bring your lunch to old job you either had to order out or visit the Irving down the street to get a soggy sandwich.

New job has a cafeteria with a salad bar, pizza, grill, sandwich station and a different entrée each day.

Old job had a very annoying receptionist who would deliver the mail everyday. She was one of those girls that laughed this high-pitched, squeaky, valley-girl laugh every time anyone says anything to her. Funny or not. “My arm is caught in this vice, could you help me out?” “Sure! Hee hee hee hee!!!” (I really shouldn’t say anything about anyone else’s laugh as mine is super loud and obnoxious…but oh well…my blog.)

New job has a robotic mail cart. His name is Fred and he rolls around the building beeping so you know he’s there and you can grab you’re mail without having to talk to anyone that makes you want to poke a letter opener in you eye. I totally want Fred to be my boyfriend…

I could go on and on, but you get the idea. Old job sucked. New job rocks. (But I do miss my friends Cher and Ry…)

Meet My Haunted House

2007-11-12T12:54:00.000-05:00

Although it looks a little scary from the outside, it's quite comfortable and cozy on the inside. And I haven't heard any bumps in the night...yet...

What A Difference A Race Makes

2007-10-25T11:21:00.000-05:00

Hurricane Katrina and the wildfires of California are both disasters of epic proportions that displaced millions from their homes. Many people were sheltered in stadiums.

During Katrina the conditions were unsanitary and cramped. People didn't even have a place to go to the bathroom so they had to use sections of the stadium that were not meant for excrement.

In California the children are being entertained by stilt walkers. Adults are getting free massages to relieve their stress. Gourmet meals are being served. And you can be damn sure that everyone has a place to shit.

POTUS

2007-10-17T12:10:00.000-05:00

Stephen Colbert has announced his candidacy for President of the United States. I think he has a better grasp on the American public than most. As he said, "it's clear that the voters are desperate for a white, male, middle-aged, Jesus-trumpeting alternative."

I would vote for him...if only to be assured that the State of the Union addresses would be more interesting to watch and wouldn't make me want to fall asleep.

New Jersey Is Weird...or I've Never Seen So Many Dead Deer On The Side Of The Highway

2007-10-08T17:34:00.000-05:00

New Jersey is a strange state. I'm sure any Mainah that moves here probably thinks so and the New Jersians that have lived here all their lives think it's completely normal. But it's not.

Everyone knows about the driving thing. New Jersites drive like maniacs. I haven't even been here a month and I'm already starting to catch it. You have to! In order to get where you want to get to without getting killed, you have to cut people off, speed like a mad woman and swerve in and out of lanes. It's totally catchy.

And speaking of driving...the roads here are traveled so much that when you get out of the worn tire grooves to change lanes it feels like you're water skiing over a wake.

They have weird food things down here too. They have something called pork rolls. I haven't tried them, but apparently there some round piece of ham/Canadian bacon type thing that people have on top of hamburgers or some such nonsense. I'm not so sure about it. Then, if you are a true New Jerseier, and you go to Dunkin Donuts and you want a coffee with cream and sugar you ask for it "light and sweet." (Much like me....gag.) Oh and you'll get ketchup packets with that breakfast sandwich of yours.

Then there's the deer. I have to drive about an hour and fifteen minutes to work each way. The drive is a pain in the ass and I'm looking forward to November 1 when I don't have to do it anymore. Not only is it close to three hours a day of stress/road rage...but I must see four hundred dead deer on the side of the road each week. It's so strange! When you get to central Jersey there are a lot of woods so there's a lot of deer. These deer aren't smart and they wander onto major highways and get hit by speeding New Jersiacs. These dead deer will literally lay on the side of the road for days, maybe even weeks. Apparently the entire state has only three animal control-type people that are in charge of cleaning up said road kill. Yuck...

Oh...and what is with every other song on the radio being a frickin' Bon Jovi song. I know he's a Jersonian but please. I haven't liked a Bon Jovi song since that one.... Okay it was called.... Oh yeah...there isn't one!

I'll keep you all posted on other strange New Jersey discoveries (because I'm sure you're all dying to hear more)! Anyone else discover weird things when they travel to other states?

Birthday Wishes

2007-10-01T12:52:00.000-05:00

Some friends had birthdays last week.

Happy Birthday to Cupcake!! I had Chipotle for lunch on Friday in your honor. I hope the Ecuadorian sun shined extra bright on you in your honor as well!

Happy Birthday to Frosty!! I miss your 'work associatedness'. (Yes...that's a word.)

I hope you both had wonderful days!!

Why Yesterday Made Me Want To Move Home

2007-09-21T11:25:00.000-05:00

I had a crappy day yesterday. So what, right? Well...this is my blog so I can bitch about it if I want to!

I had been very stressed out about the fact that I hadn't found an apartment yet. I have to be out of my Maine apartment by October 1st, and with no place to move into...I've been a bit uneasy. Everything that happened yesterday didn't make it any better.

I work in Customer Service so I'm used to getting angry and upset customers. I've been doing it since 1997. But I have to tell you...I spoke with the most angry, mean, ignorant man I have ever spoken to in my life yesterday. He wanted to return a pair of shoes because the heel fell off.

Me: "I apologize for the inconvenience sir. It's not a problem...sounds like they're defective, we'll take care of it. Just send them back to our warehouse.... "

Mr. Ignorant: "I WILL NOT SEND THEM BACK. I DON'T TRUST YOU PEOPLE. YOU'RE PROBABLY NOT EVEN REALLY BASS SHOES"

Me: "I assure you sir, we will take care of it."

Mr. Ignorant: "WHERE IS YOUR WAREHOUSE?"

Me: "Jonesville, North Carolina."

Mr. Ignorant: "NO, NO, NO!! I DON'T DEAL WITH PEOPLE FROM THE SOUTH. I DON'T TRUST THEM!!"

Me: "Okay, sir. If you'd like, you could get the shoes repaired locally and we can reimburse you for the charges."

Mr. Ignorant: "JUST SEND ME $100."

Me: "I'm sorry, sir. We wouldn't be able to do that but we can replace them for you or reimburse and repair charges."

Mr. Ignorant: "WHY WON'T YOU PEOPLE DO WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO? YOU WON'T DO IT BECAUSE I'M A RELIGIOUS MINORITY!!!!"

Me: "Sir, I have no way of telling what your religion is over the phone."

Mr. Ignorant: "YOU CAN TELL BY MY NAME!!"

Me: "You haven't given me your name yet, sir."

Mr. Ignorant: "I WANT TO TALK TO YOUR BOSS. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WON'T HELP ME!"

Me: "I'm more than willing to help you sir..."

Mr. Ignorant: "I SAID I WANT TO TALK TO YOUR BOSS!!!! GIVE ME YOUR DAMN BOSS!!!!!!!!!! IS THAT TOO BIG A WORD FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND?"

Me: "Hold on just one moment and I'll transfer you."

Mr. Ignorant: "CHOP, CHOP MISSY. CHOP CHOP!!!"

The guy proceeded to go to my boss, scream at her for a while, then called her a 'nasty cunt' and hung up on her.

Can you believe the nerve?? I'm good at my job. I don't usually get flustered by irate customers...usually they have a reason to be angry and I can help them. But this guy was just over the top. He was screaming...literally SCREAMING!!! He was hurting my ear when I was talking to him and I could hear him on the phone with my boss from my cube down the hall. Crazy.

So that was the start to my day. Then WaMu called because I hadn't paid my credit card bill. Oops...credit hit.

Then I went to RiteAid to pick up my prescription and they didn't have it because the RiteAid in Maine had filled it. (I'd been dealing with this for two days.) They finally were able to fill it.

Later, I wrote a check out to myself instead of the intended party and made myself look like a dumbass.

And for the big finale......drum roll please....

I rear-ended someone on my way home. FUCK!! I was like twenty feet from the exit I needed to get off and I was stuck in bumper to bumper traffic. (Gotta love New Jersey.) To put it in perspective...imagine taking everyone that would be trying to go north through the Hampton toll at the beginning of Labor Day weekend, turning them into New Jersey drivers and then trying to squeeze them into three narrow lanes that are going into a tunnel. It wasn't pretty. Anyway...it was totally my fault. Luckily there was no damage to my car and only a few scratches on the ladies car in front of me (myself and the cop that showed up thought the scratches were old because there wasn't any paint transfer to my car.) She was willing to not file a police report and she said she would check with her husband and we could work something out without going through my insurance company. Phew!

So needless to say, I needed a big glass of wine by the time I got home last night. There was no wine so I settled for chocolate cake. Man am I looking forward to coming home to Maine this weekend!

My Drive To Jersey In Numbers

2007-09-09T12:42:00.000-05:00

0 - The number of directions I took with me for the drive.

1 - The number of times I had to turn around because I was going the wrong direction.

2 - The number of times I stopped along the way (once for food and once to clean up cat vomit).

3 - The number of times Marble (my cat) threw up in her kitty carrier.

4 - The number of minutes it took Marble to throw up three times.

5 - The number of mix CDs made by friends that I listened to on the way.

6 - The number of people's voicemail I got when I tried to call them to relieve my boredem while I was stuck in traffic on I-84.

7 - The number of blogs I read on my Treo whilst stuck in traffic.

8 - The number of outfits I put together in my head that are now in the running for what I will wear for my first day of my new job.

97,436 - The number of times I blew my nose. (Damn cold!)

Best Worst Movie Quote Ever!

2007-09-04T11:12:00.001-05:00

Obviously I'm a bit biased about the cuteness of the baby below since she is the daughter of a dear friend of mine...but seriously! How psyched was I to receive these pictures in an email this morning of baby Isabel wearing the little outfit I gave her mother at her baby shower.

Just Two Things

2007-08-29T08:59:00.000-05:00

Two Names You Go By
1. Allie 2. Whore Face

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now
1. Jeans 2. A shit eating grin

Two Things You Would Want In A Relationship
1. Love 2. Trust

Two Of Your Favorite Things To Do
1. Sleep 2. Watch Movies

Two Things You Want Very Badly At The Moment
1. a nap 2. a place to live in Jersey

Two Things You Did Last Night
1. ate delicious Thai chicken pizza courtesy of Lo 2. Waited around at The Big Easy

Two Things You Ate Today
1. Timbit 2. it's morning and I haven't eaten anything else yet

Two People You Last Talked To
1. Martina 2. Derek (two of my customer service reps)

Two Things You Are Doing Tomorrow
1. Having a sleepover at Amanda's 2. working my third to last day at MP

Two Longest Car Rides
1. Maine to Florida 2. Maine to upstate New York

Two Favorite Holidays
1. Thanksgiving 2. Christmas

Two Favorite Beverages
1. margaritas 2. Diet Pepsi

Two Things About Me You May Not Have Known
1. I always have crushes on inappropriate people 2. I'm thinking of making my hair brown again

Two Jobs I've Had In My Life
1. customer service supervisor 2. professional shoe collector

Two Movies I'd Watch Over And Over
1. You've Got Mail 2. Overboard

Two Places I've Lived
1. The Ville 2. South P Town

Two Of My Favorite Foods
1. Cheeseburgers 2. Pizza

Two Places I'd Rather Be Right Now
1. Maui 2. a beach

Thirsty Thursday

2007-08-24T07:21:00.001-05:00

Last night some friends and I went out on the town. Let me tell you...it's been a while since I have participated in Thirsty Thursday! We were at a local bar called Gritty's in Portland enjoying our beverages when some of us got talking about the men in Miss Cupcake's life. We've met some of her past (hmm...I'm searching for the word. Boyfriends? Lovers? Men who acted like asses?). Anywho, whatever they were they were definitely not good enough for the lovely Miss Cupcake. Last night we met a guy that we decided would be perfect for her. He's adorable, personable and I think they should have babies. As we were comparing said adorable man to other men, Mikie pointed out that it was like comparing apples to oranges. Andrew corrected him and said, "No, it's more like comparing peaches to hand grenandes." So Mr. Peach...welcome. The ball is in your court buddy!

Full Circle

2007-08-19T13:57:00.000-05:00

Earlier this year I was in Tampa at a hotel bar. I ordered a Southern Comfort and lime and the bartender looked at me and said, "What, are you from Jersey?" With my most dignified voice and disdainful look I responded, "Um no. I'm from Maine." I had to stop myself from adding a 'thank you very much.' Oh, the irony because guess what folks...I'm moving to Jersey!

As most of you probably could tell from my previous posts, I'm not such a huge fan of my job. I love what I actually do, and the people I work with (for the most part) are fantastic. The company on the other hand? Oi. It's hard to have respect for a company that sells products via infomercials. So for the past year or so, I've had my eyes and ears open for something else. A couple of weeks ago, I got an email from a woman that is now the customer service manager for the company that I used to work for before they moved out of state. She asked if I was interested in moving to New Jersey and coming back to the company. I said, "Hell yes!" It's pretty flattering for a company to want you back and to search you out! After all the kinks were worked out, it was a done deal. I gave my notice at my current job (YAY!) and will start at my new job on September 10th.

Holy shit. Can I really do this? Can I not only move away from the only state I have ever lived in but do it all by myself? I certainly hope so...because I am! I'll be living with my aunt for a few weeks (the one that I stay with when I go to NYC) and commuting to work until I can find a place of my own. It's so scary and exciting all at once.

The way this has all worked out has furthered my belief in the fact that everything happens for a reason. One, I got the email from my new boss just a day after I posted that someone should let me know if they have a job for me. Weird! But also, three years ago when the company shut down their office in Maine and moved it to NJ I had the opportunity to go. I said no because it was just a few months before my wedding. Now I'm on my own again and I'm going back to that same company, same position but as a new me with a fresh start. Everything has come full circle. It's so strange how everything works out.

In three short weeks, I will officially be a Jersey girl. I'll hopefully be getting a two bedroom place down there and I'm going to be less than an hour outside NYC so I expect lots of visitors!

Help A Sister Out!

2007-08-14T13:20:00.000-05:00

My dear friend Cupcake is heading off to Ecuador for a year of teaching English as a volunteer. In order to do this, she needs to raise $5,000. Please visit this site and donate whatever you can to help her reach her goal.

Useless Knowledge

2007-08-14T11:05:00.000-05:00

As I've said before, I know a lot about 'Friends'. There aren't many times that I've been stumped by a 'Friends' trivia question. In fact...I often encourage people to try. (Bring it on bloggers!) That being said...I'm probably the only person in the world that would be excited enough by seeing this sign in NYC to take a picture of it.

The reason? It was the street Phoebe lived on. I remembered her saying it in a seventh season episode when she and Rachael found a cell phone that was left by a cute guy in the coffee house and they were fighting over who would get to date him. I checked the episode the other night just to be sure...and I was right! Why do I have this useless knowledge of things that no one cares about??

Sisters and the City

2007-08-08T23:21:00.000-05:00

My sister and I spent last weekend in New York City and we had a blast. I think she's one of the only people I could travel with that I wouldn't be completely annoyed with after spending four days together. We tend to be a little silly when we get together...but it leads to lots of laughs.

Day 1: We hit the road around four o'clock on Thursday and made great time getting to my aunt's apartment in New Jersey. (As I've mentioned before, she lives right across the Hudson.) My sister promptly unpacked and lined up all her shoes. I promptly began my usual sprawl. We hit the sack once we got there to rest up for our jaunt in the city the next day.

Day 2: We slept in a bit and took the ferry across the river. The city was scorching hot. I think I melted. My sister hadn't been the city since her Heritage Tour when she was thirteen so once we hit Times Square she made me stop so she could take it all in. It also wasn't long after we'd been there that she decided that she should have worn her flip-flops instead of her other sandals and decided that she would buy some to change into. More on that later. We ate lunch in Times Square and went into a couple shops. Interestingly enough...it's not easy to find flip-flops in NYC that don't cost a million dollars. Between figuring out the subway system, seeing a homeless man with a colostomy bag attached to his leg and hitting pretty much every store around Times Square, Rockefeller Center, and part of Central Park we finally managed to find her a pair at a drug store. Shortly after we headed to a comedy club to catch a show. Luckily there was a two drink minimum so that made some of the jokes funny. We left before it was over and took the subway back to Times Square. Once we got there, we hailed a cab back to the ferry. We had a great conversation with the cab driver about politics, Maine, his background. Before we got out he asked if I had a boyfriend. I said no and then he asked me for my phone number. Apparently I like giving my number to strangers because with minimal proding from my sister, I handed it over. On the ferry ride back to Jersey we got soaked in a thunderstorm while talking to a skanky guy with a bloody lip. He informed us that he had been hit by a girl in a scuffle. Winner! Overall...it was a great day!

Day 3: Saturday we recovered by sleeping in late. We planned to go into the city a little later in the day so that we wouldn't melt therefore we were able to hang out by the pool at my aunt's building. We made in into the city by four o'clock. We hit a street fair thingy on 7th Avenue and did some shopping. By now we were pros at the subway so we headed to the Village. We shopped around some more. I bough a t-shirt that said 'Spooning Leads To Forking' cause I'm mature like that. We had a drink at a local bistro and then made our way to Chinatown and Little Italy. Around 9:30 we headed back to the Village for dinner. We ate outside at a great Italian restaurant after which we made our way back to our aunt's.

Day 4: We slept in even later, we out to breakfast and then hit the pool again. By 3:30 we were on the road again and heading to Hartford, CT for a Dave Matthew's Band concert. We had great seats thanks to my friend Maren. The show was incredible. This was only my sister's third concert ever...we both had a great time. We made it back home to Maine by two in the morning.

What an incredible four days. My sister and I make great travel partners and I look forward to our next trip together.

Sunday Drive

2007-07-29T13:48:00.000-05:00

I lost my wireless internet access at my apartment. I don't know what happened...maybe the people I was stealing (I mean borrowing) it from moved away or something. Whatever it is, it's really annoying. I could get my own wireless through the local cable company, but if I do that they will know that I'm not paying for my cable and that's not cool! (It's not my fault, they came and hooked it up but I have never received a bill for it. Should I call and tell them their mistake? Um...no.) Now anytime I have to use the internet, I have to take my laptop to a place that has free WiFi. So today I'm sitting at Panera Bread. I clearly am not the only one in this situation because there are lots of shifty looking laptop users here.

Anywho, on my short drive over here I noticed a couple of things on other people's cars that made me scrunch my brow. The first was a man with a Harley Davidson license plate decoration thingy (and yes, that is the technical name for it) on his car. Why do people do that? You don't see a guy on a Harley with a license plate decoration thingy on it that says 'Ford'. That's up there with the beat up van that has a bumper sticker on it that says, "My other car is a Viper." If you want people to think you drive a Viper, then drive around in your Viper. Otherwise we know you're lying.

The other was a guy that had a bumper sticker on his car that said 'Cool Global Warming'. That's nice. It's good that you support the environment. Oh, and look at you, driving an environmentally friendly car like a Prius. Wait..that's not a hybrid. That's a big, effing SUV. It made me want to rear end him.

People...don't make your cars be something that they are not. Accept them for who they are.

Questions You Didn't Care To Have Answered

2007-07-26T13:40:00.000-05:00

1. What is your best friend's mom's name?
Ann. It's bizarre...I never used to call her anything even though I've literally known the woman since I was four. She was pretty much my second mother. Now I'm finally mature enough to call her Ann. Yay!

2. What body part do you hate the most?
Armpits - yuck

3. Who was the hottest teacher you ever had?
Mr. John Butler - seventh grade science teacher at Waterville Junior High School. He was a silver fox! (Let's hope he Googles himself and find this!) I never actually had him as a teacher, but there was a gaggle of girls that I hung out with and we all used to loiter in his classroom after school until our sports/club activities began. When we got to high school we found out that he had a son that was our age. We were psyched...until we met him and realized he must look like his mother. Of course we were very young at the time. I would like to see if he's grown to look like his father. Yum-my!

4. Have you ever made out in a movie theater?
Yes...I was at one time part of an annoying couple like that.

5. What body part do you wash first?
My left arm. I wish that was actually a joke...but I literally wash my left arm first. I also dry it first. It's a whole unconscious body routine.

6. Do you have any piercings?
Only my ears. I was very close to getting my nose pierced not too long ago but figured it wouldn't look too good when I start interviewing for another job. (Sidenote - anyone want to give me a job?)

7. Is your driveway steep?
No, it's flat. That doesn't stop me from getting stuck in it in the winter though. I had to go steal a shovel from the neighbors to dig myself out once.

8. What's your favorite flavored Pringles?
Probably Sour Cream and Onion...although I do like the Ranch ones as well.

9. Have you ever been tied up?
No...that scares me a little bit. I'm not a prude...but scary!

10. Have you ever had two dates in one night?
What's a date? I don't understand this word...someone please explain.

11. How many times have you been cursed at?
To my face or behind my back? Either way I'm sure it's a lot.

12. Which shoe do you put on first?
Whichever one I find first in the pile I call my 'organizer'.

13. How old are you?
27

14. Have you ever been to a gay bar?
Unfortunately not.

15. Have you ever had any friends with benefits?
I have one friend that I had a one night benefit 'concert' with.

16. Is there one thing all of your love interests have had in common?
They were all male and they all had either a first name or middle name that started with 'J'.

17. Did you French kiss before you were 16?
No...late bloomer.

18. Have you ever been cow-tipping or snipe-hunting?
No because these things don't exist. Snipe hunting is just an excuse to go out into the woods...and have you ever tried to tip a cow over? They don't sleep standing up so you can't sneak up on them and tip them over.

19. Who is the last person you usually think about before you fall asleep?
I have no idea...probably myself because I'm that selfish.

20. Have you ever had a song written about you?
No songs...but I did have a poem written for me.

21. Have you ever found anything in your parents' bedroom that was questionable?
Not personally. My sister did find some Playboy magazines between the mattress and the boxsping.

22. What was your childhood nickname?
Allie, Sone, Sone-Sone, Sone-Sone-Li, Shmaffy

23. When is the last time you played the air guitar?
Yesterday.

24. Have you ever peeked in the opposite sex's locker room?
I think I tried to in high school, but I don't remember seeing anything.

25. What's the weirdest thing you have done while driving?
The G-rated version - I read the paper once.

26. Have you ever bitten your toenails?
Ew...no.

27. How do you normally eat your Oreo cookies?
You gotta separate em!

28. Name something you do when you're alone that you wouldn't do in front of others?
Walk around in my underwear.

29. How many drinks does it take before you get drunk?
If I'm at Tortilla Flat...half a margarita.

30. Why are you doing this survey?
Because I'm bored at work.

31. Do you have any strange phobias?
Nothing too strange...except a fear of Michael Flatley.

32. Have you ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
Of course! Fingers, straws, pencils...anything to get people to roll their eyes at me.

33. Have you ever gotten caught sleeping while on a date?
It wasn't really a date...but I did fall asleep at a Red Sox game once. (Red's gonna hate me!) It was so hot and we were right in the sun...I think I more passed out then fell asleep.

34. Have you ever played naked twister?
Not with a game board.

35. Have you ever been drunk at school or work?
Not drunk, no. I did have a couple drinks at lunch once and came back to work. I was just really sleepy.

36. Have you ever found your date's brother or sister to be hotter then your date?
No...not while we were together. But now that Mr. Baseball's brother has had his jaw surgery...he's pretty fricken attractive.

37. How many Bryces do you know?
Zero.

That's a dumb question to end on...sorry folks. I didn't make up the thing...I just answered it.

Dorkamunga

2007-07-25T07:58:00.000-05:00

As far as the number of years I have been alive is concerned, I'm an adult. When considering my lack of responsibility and my choice in entertainment, I'm very much a child.

This past weekend was Harry Potter weekend. I had read the first four books back to back a couple of years ago. After book four, I decided I was Pottered out and took a break. When the first of July came around and I knew that the seventh book was coming out in three short weeks, I decided that I needed to read books five and six so that I could be prepared for the final installment. So most of my spare time during that three week period was spent reading about 'The Boy Who Lived.'

Friday night, Cupcake and I headed to Border's to enjoy the Pottermania and stand in line to get our copies of the much anticipated Deathly Hallows. Luckily I heard on the radio that morning that we could go to the store to get bracelets to hold our place in line (so we wouldn't have to wait for hours on end). We had our orange bracelets which put us in the second group of fifty customers. We were both overly excited for two women in our late twenties! By 12:20am we had our books and headed to our respective homes. I read that night until 3:30am. I woke up and read for most of the day on Saturday. Saturday night a bunch of headed out on the town. Sunday morning I slept in way too late (recovery you know) then headed to the Yarmouth Clam Festival for some fried food and a couple tummy twisting rides. By six o'clock Sunday I had finally finished 'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows'. Cupcake was anxiously awaiting my call as she had finished it the night before. We both agreed that it was great and that J.K. Rowling is a genius. We couldn't think of any loose ends that she had left untied.

So now I leave the world of Harry, Ron, Hermione, Dumbledore, Voldemort and Snape and head back to the world of muggles. Perhaps, as Cupcake said, it's time to get a life.

Road Trip

2007-07-18T16:32:00.000-05:00

A couple of weekends ago my mother and I drove down to New Jersey to visit my aunt. The reason for the visit? My aunt was willing to give me her old tv. Many of you might ask why one would drive seven hours just to get someone else's old tv. Fair question. I made the drive because the tv I had was so old that it only had channels one through thirteen and had fake wood paneling on the sides of it. I'm a cool kid.

We left Friday after I got out of work. My aunt lives right across the Hudson from NYC and we had both made the trip multiple times before so we decided that we didn't need directions (smart move #1). We made it to 84 in CT and continued on it until we hit New York. We stopped for a quick bite to eat in Poughkeepsie and hit the road again. Hmmm...strange. I don't remember going through Poughkeepsie last time I made the trip...

"Hey Mom? I haven't seen a sign for New York City in a while. Have you?"

"Now that you mention it, no. Shouldn't we have turned off 84 before now?"

Yeah...we definitely should have. We were heading clear across New York state. So we called my aunt, turned around and followed her new directions. Our detour added an hour to our trip but I still maintain that I did it on purpose because I always wanted to see Poughkeepsie.

The rest of the trip was uneventful. We enjoyed Saturday by the pool in my aunt's apartment building. I was able to add to my tan, eat dinner at P.F. Chang's (the best Chinese food ever), enjoy the NYC skyline and read quite a bit in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Overall a nice relaxing weekend.

Oh...I almost forgot the best part! As we were driving back, somehow my mother and I got on the topic of swearing at women. I don't know how it came up or why, but if you knew my mother you would know that she is not a swearer. She's a good Catholic woman who is about as straightlaced as they come. Most of my friends won't even call her by her first name even though we have been friends for 20 plus years. So as my swearing at women example I said, "Listen here bitch!" and my dear mother comes out with, "Yeah whore face!" I thought I would pee my pants. It was probably the funniest thing I have ever heard my mother say. Probably one of those 'you had to be there' moments...so sorry for boring you all with it.

So I'm back, with my new-to-me tv. I now get all the channels available to me! YAY! Welcome to the 2000's whore face!

Friday The 13th

2007-07-13T09:40:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday Mr. Baseball...

There's always a corner of my heart that's reserved for you.

Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act

2007-07-11T11:28:00.000-05:00

There's a bill called the Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act which will require insurance companies to cover a minimum 48-hour hospital stay for patients undergoing a mastectomy. It's about eliminating the 'drive-through mastectomy' where women are forced to go home just a few hours after surgery, against the wishes of their doctor, still groggy from anesthesia and sometimes with drainage tubes still attached. Lifetime Television has put this bill on their web page with a petition
drive to show your support. Last year over half the House signed on.

Please, do your part and sign! Click here to go to the petition.

Unresolved Anger Issues

2007-07-10T11:00:00.000-05:00

I'm not a person that usually puts much stock in the meanings of dreams. I find it hard to believe that dreaming about walking through a forest means you're going to come into money or master the intricacies of cold fusion. I think it generally means that you were thinking about walking through a forest. But, with that being said, I do believe that my dreams of late are trying to tell me something.

For the past month or so, I've had some very angry dreams. I find myself fighting and yelling at people in my dreams all the time. For example, I had a dream that I was yelling at a dear friend's girlfriend and telling her that she needed to just go away. A couple of nights ago I dreamt that I was hacking at my boss with a axe. I had a dream last night that I was screaming at Mr. Blue Eyes and his fiancé (even though I've never even seen her) and threatening to tell everyone that he had a small penis.

I've always had very vivid and usually lucid dreams. I rarely have nightmares and usually enjoy my dreams. But lately, they have made me wake up with an angry knot in my stomach. I have to believe that these dreams are a manifestation of the fact that I rarely express when I'm angry in my conscious world. If someone does something that pisses me off, I usually just try to ignore it and push it down inside until I don't feel the anger anymore. I realize that this is not the best way to deal with things, but my defense mechanism has always been to just forget about it no matter what unpleasant life event I'm dealing with.

Apparently, I'm about to reach my breaking point. So look out world, Angry Allie is lurking just beneath the surface and who knows what small thing might make her rear her ugly head!

Movie Whore

2007-07-02T11:56:00.000-05:00

I have seen a heiny-load of movies in the last month. Between my regularly scheduled Thursday movie night and the occasional 6 movie Sunday recovery session...they added up quick. Below is the list (I think I've got them all) with some notes.

Movies in the order in which I can remember them:

1. Half Nelson - Good movie with a great performance by Ryan Gosling. Amazing that he can still look attractive even when he's playing an addict.

2. Live Flesh - This is the first Spanish film I saw starring Javier Bardem...and it made me a believer. He just exudes sex.

3. Between Your Legs - Another Javier flick. In this one he plays a sex addict. Nothing wrong with that!

4. For Your Consideration - This movie was just okay. An ironic look at the hype surrounding possible Oscar nominations for a film in the making.

5. Daddy Daycare - Uh...yeah. There were people dressed up like vegetables...

6. 1408 - This is a pretty scary adaptation of a Stephen King tale. I had my feet up on the chair in the theater so the boogey man couldn't grab them and I definitely jumped a couple of times. John Cusack acts alone for most of the movie and I think he does a great job.

7. Ocean's 13 - I already have a separate post about this movie. It's good...I've seen it twice. The men are attractive, it's funny, and it makes up for Ocean's 12.

8. Alpha Dog - A very disturbing movie about true events surround the kidnapping of a teenage boy. It's a young cast and they do a great job. Definitely messed up.

9. Spellbound - A documentary that follows eight young contestants as they prepare for the National Spelling Bee. One of the girls studied eight or nine hours a day. Oh...and did I mention that the kids are like twelve years old? Crazy...

10. The Illusionist - I have loved Edward Norton since I saw him in Primal Fear all those years ago. I'm not a big Jessica Beal fan (in fact, I kinda think she needs to go away) but it was a decent movie.

11. Trust The Man - A relationship comedy starring David Duchovny and Julianne Moore. There were parts that were really funny. The best line, "Why is everything plural?"

12. Almost Famous - This is the second time I've seen this great movie. I had forgotten how much I loved it.

13. Dogma - Gotta love Kevin Smith.

14. The Sea Inside - Another Spanish film starring Javier Bardem. In this he plays a quadrapeligic who is fighting for his right to die. He doesn't so much exude the sex in this one since they used makeup to make him look old...but he is fantastic in it. I believe he was nominated for the role.

15. Waitress - A movie about a woman with a terrible husband that gets pregnant and really doesn't want to be. She's a waitress that makes pies for a living. It sounds boring...but it's actually very good.

16. Knocked Up - From the director of "The 40 Year Old Virgin". Much raunchier than I thought it was going to be, but it was pretty funny.

17. Children of Men - Clive Owen is yummy. It's kind of scary to think what mankind could do to the world in the future.

18. Little Children - Kate Winslet was nominated for her role in this excellent film. I really liked the way it was narrated. Very non-traditional. (And for those that care...you see Kate Winslet's boobs.)

19. Ocean's 11 - I watched this again after I saw Ocean's 13...just to remind me.

20. Breach - Movies like this that are about true government corruption really scare me. It was a good movie though.

21. A Beautiful Mind - I had been putting off watching this movie for years since it came out. Then I got it through Netflix and it sat on my TV for months. I finally watched it last week and I actually really liked it. There's a great quote at the end. "You're the reason I am here. You're the reason I am. You're all my reasons." Oh wow...if a man said that to me I might melt.

So there you have it...my month of movies. Good lord...

Pardon Me, You're Stepping On My Eyeball

2007-06-27T11:05:00.000-05:00

(Side note: The title of this post is the actual name of a book that I read in junior high. I don't really remember anything about the book, other than the fact that reading it firmly cemented my lifelong membership to the weirdness hall of fame. I think I significantly disturbed my eighth grade English teacher, Mrs. Squire, when I told her that's what I was doing my book report on.)

(Side note II: Mrs. Squire used to pronounce the h's in words like whale, while, and whistle. It's not an easy thing to do. For example: whale would be pronounced wa-hale.)

(Side note III: These side notes have nothing to do with my actual post.)

I wear contacts because my eyesight is exceptionally bad. To put it into perspective for those of you that can see clearly...if I didn't have my contacts in, the woman sitting in front of me at my office (who has blonde hair and is wearing a black shirt) would look like a black blob with a smaller blonde blob on top. I would not be able to make our her facial features or whether or not she was giving me the finger.

Yesterday I had my normal check up for my eyes. Mostly just to get an updated prescription. My optometrist said that I had a bump on my cornea that looked like scar tissue. He said that around that raised tissue the outside layer of my cornea was eroded. Awesome...sounds healthy. He referred me to an ophthalmologist to check it out. So...in the meantime...out came the contacts and on went the glasses.

Let me just tell you how much I hate my glasses. The frames are actually kind of cute but because my eyesight is so bad, the lenses are about an inch thick. Well, that's an exaggeration. But they are thick enough that they make my eyes look funny...like looking at them through the bottom of an old fashioned Coke bottle. Because I'm so used to wearing contacts (I've worn them everyday for the last 12 years) the glasses are a pain in the ass. I have no peripheral vision and my depth perception is way off. On top of that, it's the hottest day of the year so they are pretty much melting off my face.

Luckily I was able to see the ophthalmologist this morning and she said that she doesn't think it's anything too serious. She said that I don't actually have any corneal erosion but I do have what looks like scar tissue on my cornea. From what...she has no idea. She thinks that it will flatten out over time. As a precaution, I have to wear my glasses for the next two weeks and go back to see her to make sure nothing has changed.

So phew that nothing serious is wrong with my eyeball because I like seeing. But damn the glasses...damn all the glasses! Four eyes....

No Triskaidekaphobia Here!

2007-06-20T10:00:00.000-05:00

Joey: "What do you suffer from if you have this phobia? Tris...Triska...wow...how do you say that?"

Chandler: "Triskaidekaphobia."

Ross: "Fear of Triscuits!!"

Joey: "No, a fear of the number 13."

Chandler: "Fear of Triscuits??"

Ross: "It's possible...they have really sharp edges."

Vera and I have now seen 'Ocean's 13' twice. It is great. Not only are the actors incredibly good looking, but it actually makes you forgive them for making 'Ocean's 12'. I highly recommend getting over the fear of 13 and checking this movie out. YUM-MY!!

Semi-Charmed Kind Of Life

2007-06-20T07:29:00.000-05:00

It's only mid June and I am having the best summer. I seriously am living a charmed life. Let me highlight the best parts:

1. Even though my semester of classes is over I'm still only working 32 hours a week. That means I get out of work everyday at 2:30. That leaves a good portion of the afternoon for me to walk the boulevard or hit the beach.

2. Other than work, bills and my cat I have virtually no responsibilities. This leaves me free to hang out with my friends pretty much any night of the week. I have been shopping and watching movies with my ladies a ton.

3. Miss Cupcake and I have now gone to the Inn By The Sea twice to lay by the pool...and plan on partaking of this relaxing passtime quite a bit this summer. (Oh how nice it is to have friends in high places!) I got a bit of a burn on Saturday, but now it's turning into a nice tan.

4. Although I found my first age spot on my hand (even though everyone tells me it's just a freckle, I know the truth) I continue to get carded. A man I met a few weeks back actually thought I was 19. Not too shabby considering I have a high school reunion coming up.

5. Dancing to Esperanza or The Awesome!

6. After chopping a well-endowed mans worth of hair off (aka 6 1/2 inches) I now have a cute new summer haircut.

I've been through some rough times in the past...deaths, divorce, breakups, etc. But the seemingly small and insignificant things listed above remind me everyday that I truly do have a wonderful life surrounded by people and things that I love.

Be My Gay Boyfriend?

2007-06-12T08:11:00.000-05:00

I just finished reading the funniest book I have ever read in my entire life. Never has there been a book that has made me laugh so hard, and I read quite a bit. Books rarely makes me cry or laugh or emit any kind of noise for that matter, other than the occasional 'ugh' which is only reserved for when I realize that I still have a hundred pages left in a book that I could care less about. (I have a problem with books and movies...even if they are awful and make me want to scratch out my eyes, I feel the need to finish them.) At one point I literally had tears running down my face because I had a case of the giggles so bad. The book was 'Gullible's Travels' by Cash Peters.

The book highlights Cash's last months as a travel reporter (I feel that I can call him Cash and not Mr. Peters because he and I have become very close over the course of me reading this book). As a travel reporter he was not sent to the pristine beaches of Maui or to the exciting resorts of Las Vegas...oh no. He had the privilege (privilege?) of traveling to such famous (famous?) places as The Museum of Dirt, The Museum of Bad Art and witnessing the marching of the ducks at The Peabody Hotel in Memphis. I purchased the book because when I picked it up serendipitously and flipped through it the first line I caught was Cash explaining that if there was a movie about his life, he would be played by none other than Dame Judi Dench. Hi-larious.

I highly recommend getting this book. I would lend you my copy, but I would be afraid that I wouldn't get it back and it's one of those books I want to keep, mostly because I think I've fallen in love. Unfortunately for me (not so much for him) he's gay. Damn it! Maybe if there's someone out there in cyber space that knows him, you could ask if he wants to be my gay boyfriend?? Tell him that I can get him free health supplements from my company...maybe that will help.